I am very proud of my ability and desire to breast feed. I mean no offense to anyone who cannot or choses to not breast feed. Your choices and experiences are as valid as mine, and I mean no disrespect. I know there are situations where breast feeding is intensly desired and not possible, and want to state that any future possible posts re: breast feeding and formula are not directed toward any person.
Just wanted to post that in response to some (a lot) of my blinkies and my new ticker, as well as planned future blog enteries.
Army Wife Blinkies
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Updating
YES!!!!!!!
I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!
I will be a caseworker with the Division of Services to People with Disabilities. I am beyond excited. I nearly screamed when they offered me the job. I am beyond happy. Notice my new ticker. Same pay, benefits, etc. I even just work next door, so no commute change.
Basically between the pressures of child welfare administration and the drama and pain of my caseload, I'm done. I will miss working with the teens, but I just need a change. I don't want to get fired, and fear I will because I cannot meet the stupidly impossible standards they have set. My supervisor does NOTHING but say yes master to administration. She does nothing to protect or advocate for workers.
Example: Last Friday, I called her, facing a possible removal of 4 children at about 4:30pm. By that point, I had mearly 30 minutes left in my 40 hours. She grudgingly approved Overtime. The removal was avoided. I told her then that it was likely that I would need overtime the next Friday, as the removal was basically postponed a week. I explained to her that I do not wish to end up working unti 9 on Friday if I don't have to, so may need overtime again. She declined to approve OT, said to have oncall do this. Which is fine, but the paperwork which goes along with a removal would have been my responsibility. Want to know why we lie and put down 40? DCFS is being sued for violating OT policy, but then refuses to authorize it. What would the harm be in authorizing up to 5, which is fully within her discretion?
Why would I expect more from her? I don't know why. This is the woman who asked me if my pregnancy was planned and what my plans were for it when I told her I was pregnant. This is the woman who made comments about my "vacation" referring to my bedrest. She wanted to know if I really had to take the time off. This is the woman who called me the day after I came home from the hospital wanting to know when I was coming back. Ummm lets see, just off narcs, really sore incision, really sick baby in NICU, how about tomorrow. That phone call was the ONLY reason I was back at work 2 weeks after a c-section. I was worried I would lose my job. I knew I wanted to have some time left for when Syd came home to mommy her, and knew if I did not go back, I would have no time. As it was, I had one week home with her. When we were reviewing my cases, which the covering worker did NOTHING on while I was off, asked "what have you (meaning me) learned from this?" I made some smart answers, and she replied "don't get pregnant." I could go on about the other insensitive pregnancy comments, but will refrain. I will add that another co-worker has experienced similar problems.
Basically, her attitude has been harder and harder to deal with. I can't stand working for her. A new supervisor and building manager both are very promising, and I am sad to leave the possibilities they may be bringing. I don't want to work with my supervisor anymore.
I don't want to work with my clients anymore. I have the reputation of being able to handle the hard clients. I have worked hard to earn this reputation. Problem with this is that my caseload has become the dumping ground for the hard cases. In the last year, I have had some very hard demanding cases. Bad abuse, domestic violence, manipulation. The parents are so hard to work with. I went a year with no formal complaints, I've had 6 since March. I have not changed how I work, my clients have been the hardest to work with. If I stand up to them, they complain. I cave, the children are at risk.
Friday was the last time, I hope, that I witness a removal in court. I hope it is the last time I advocate for a removal. The mom is one of the worst cases of emotional maltreatment I have ever seen. She was ordered to behave, then abused them in the office lobby. The children went with their father. Even thought I fully support the removal, I still hated seeing mom cry in court. She has another one on the way, same OB as me.
The emotional baggage I carry from this job will be with me forever. I want to escape to a happy place where children are loved and nurtured, like my baby is. I want to forget about incest, child porn, abuse, and threats. I want to retreat into my happy marraige, instead of witnessing the destruction of relationships which never should have been. I am tired of fearing for my safety. I am tired of worrying if a client will follow me home and harm me. I had a nightmare about a client coming to the hospital and harassing me there, and no one would come and help. I am tired of this. It hurts. I want to go to work and leave it there, and not have it come into my home, my bed, my dreams.
Maybe I can go off the happy pills with my new job. I've been on them for over 2 years now. Who knows.
I am so happy. I so needed a new job.
I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!
I will be a caseworker with the Division of Services to People with Disabilities. I am beyond excited. I nearly screamed when they offered me the job. I am beyond happy. Notice my new ticker. Same pay, benefits, etc. I even just work next door, so no commute change.
Basically between the pressures of child welfare administration and the drama and pain of my caseload, I'm done. I will miss working with the teens, but I just need a change. I don't want to get fired, and fear I will because I cannot meet the stupidly impossible standards they have set. My supervisor does NOTHING but say yes master to administration. She does nothing to protect or advocate for workers.
Example: Last Friday, I called her, facing a possible removal of 4 children at about 4:30pm. By that point, I had mearly 30 minutes left in my 40 hours. She grudgingly approved Overtime. The removal was avoided. I told her then that it was likely that I would need overtime the next Friday, as the removal was basically postponed a week. I explained to her that I do not wish to end up working unti 9 on Friday if I don't have to, so may need overtime again. She declined to approve OT, said to have oncall do this. Which is fine, but the paperwork which goes along with a removal would have been my responsibility. Want to know why we lie and put down 40? DCFS is being sued for violating OT policy, but then refuses to authorize it. What would the harm be in authorizing up to 5, which is fully within her discretion?
Why would I expect more from her? I don't know why. This is the woman who asked me if my pregnancy was planned and what my plans were for it when I told her I was pregnant. This is the woman who made comments about my "vacation" referring to my bedrest. She wanted to know if I really had to take the time off. This is the woman who called me the day after I came home from the hospital wanting to know when I was coming back. Ummm lets see, just off narcs, really sore incision, really sick baby in NICU, how about tomorrow. That phone call was the ONLY reason I was back at work 2 weeks after a c-section. I was worried I would lose my job. I knew I wanted to have some time left for when Syd came home to mommy her, and knew if I did not go back, I would have no time. As it was, I had one week home with her. When we were reviewing my cases, which the covering worker did NOTHING on while I was off, asked "what have you (meaning me) learned from this?" I made some smart answers, and she replied "don't get pregnant." I could go on about the other insensitive pregnancy comments, but will refrain. I will add that another co-worker has experienced similar problems.
Basically, her attitude has been harder and harder to deal with. I can't stand working for her. A new supervisor and building manager both are very promising, and I am sad to leave the possibilities they may be bringing. I don't want to work with my supervisor anymore.
I don't want to work with my clients anymore. I have the reputation of being able to handle the hard clients. I have worked hard to earn this reputation. Problem with this is that my caseload has become the dumping ground for the hard cases. In the last year, I have had some very hard demanding cases. Bad abuse, domestic violence, manipulation. The parents are so hard to work with. I went a year with no formal complaints, I've had 6 since March. I have not changed how I work, my clients have been the hardest to work with. If I stand up to them, they complain. I cave, the children are at risk.
Friday was the last time, I hope, that I witness a removal in court. I hope it is the last time I advocate for a removal. The mom is one of the worst cases of emotional maltreatment I have ever seen. She was ordered to behave, then abused them in the office lobby. The children went with their father. Even thought I fully support the removal, I still hated seeing mom cry in court. She has another one on the way, same OB as me.
The emotional baggage I carry from this job will be with me forever. I want to escape to a happy place where children are loved and nurtured, like my baby is. I want to forget about incest, child porn, abuse, and threats. I want to retreat into my happy marraige, instead of witnessing the destruction of relationships which never should have been. I am tired of fearing for my safety. I am tired of worrying if a client will follow me home and harm me. I had a nightmare about a client coming to the hospital and harassing me there, and no one would come and help. I am tired of this. It hurts. I want to go to work and leave it there, and not have it come into my home, my bed, my dreams.
Maybe I can go off the happy pills with my new job. I've been on them for over 2 years now. Who knows.
I am so happy. I so needed a new job.
And the quiz is right
| You Are Likely a First Born |
 At your darkest moments, you feel guilty. At work and school, you do best when you're researching. When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often. In friendship, you are considerate and compromising. Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking. You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream. |
Even tough I got in the baby way...
| You Passed the US Citizenship Test |
 Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct! |
I'm Charlotte
| You Are Most Like Charlotte! |
 You are the ultimate romantic idealist You've been hurt before, but that hasn't caused you to give up on love. If anything, your resolve to fall in love is stronger than ever. And it's this feminine optimism that men find most appealing about you. Romantic prediction: That guy you are Married to? Could be very forever, and damn well better be since you just had a baby with him. |
Saturday, September 16, 2006
ChChChChanging
| You've Changed 64% in 10 Years |
 Compared to who you were ten years ago, you've changed a great deal. In fact, you're probably in a completely different phase of your life - and very happy about it! |
I'm 27, Guess I'm experienced
You've Experienced 72% of Life |
 You have all of the life experience that most adults will ever get. And unless you're already in your 40s, you're probably wise beyond your years. |
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Video
I will stop being a slacker. In the mean time quick update.
Faith wanted to know how I handle my job....by searching for a new one. I have a second interview today wish me luck....
And for all those who keep checking, I have discovered YouTube. Video here. I'm getting more things uploaded and will restart posting very soon.
Faith wanted to know how I handle my job....by searching for a new one. I have a second interview today wish me luck....
And for all those who keep checking, I have discovered YouTube. Video here. I'm getting more things uploaded and will restart posting very soon.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Blinkies
So I'm taking a break from the birth story, need an emotional pause.
Instead I wasted an evening discovering blinkies and cut and pasting them.... See below. I'm still looking for some about my favorite "George".
Also, if any of you know how to make blinkies, can you tell me how? So far, I "borrowed" all these from photobucket.
Instead I wasted an evening discovering blinkies and cut and pasting them.... See below. I'm still looking for some about my favorite "George".
Also, if any of you know how to make blinkies, can you tell me how? So far, I "borrowed" all these from photobucket.
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Blinkies about me
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Blinkin 4 A Cause
