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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Its all good

So we took Sydney to the ortho clinic yesterday. New x-rays, nothing showed up. It all looks good. The doc said to not worry about growth plates, they usually don't cause problems in babies and the bone scan showed the injury in the middle of her femur.

I'm tired. My job is boring and this last week has just drained me. I was so worried about so many things, I just want a break.

Thanks for the kind words. Really ready for a break. Actually looking forward to having my wisdom teeth pulled so I can have a break.

My mom is up to her usual drama, same crap as after Sydney was born. I want a break from that as well. Why can't my family be normal?

MIL up to naughty stuff as well. I am not enjoying the holidays and I miss that. I want to relax and enjoy Christmas. I really love Christmas.

Sydney is her happy and wonderful self. I wonder how someone as moody and depressed as I am could have such a happy go lucky as Sydney. She is the shining star in my life right now.

My brother is up to crap as well. Ohhh I can't stand him. Short: He thinks I should go somewhere else to nurse when I have people over on Christmas. Yeah, he runs my life. Not. He can shove it.

Why does my family think its ok to make stupid suggestions like that one?

A radio talk show host who shall not be named was asking a caller on her show if her family knew she was married, if they acted like it, did she know she was married and acted like it? Thoughts for me to ponder. I don't think that most of my family acts like I'm an adult. How do I change this?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Short update

Short update: I'll fill in later.

Good news: DD gained a whole ounce between Monday and this am. YAY!!!

Bad news: Femur is broken. I need to consult Dr. Google about this type of fracture. It is a "plastic" or greenstick fracture. She is in a splint to help remind us to be gentle by my request. It's not needed for healing.

What a hard day. She had to be sedated because of the bone scan. She nursed at 7:30 this am, then NOTHING until about 4. She was miserable. After the bone scan, because they were worried that ortho may want to do surgery, I was not allowed to feed her. It took both Nubane and Ketamine to get her knocked out. She was so drugged and limp. It was very hard for me to see her laying there motionless. When she woke up, all she wanted to do was nurse, and screamed unconsoably for an hour until she wore out. I was holding her, but this just made her madder, so my mom held and rocked and loved her. The crying just broke my heart. And no she did not need surgery at all, so this was all for nothing. I could have nursed her about 2 hours before I did. Poor baby.

I'll write more tomorrow. Since we got home, she has just wanted to nurse or have my breast very close by. Much comfort nursing going on.

Party at Primary Children's ER - Long

Sunday night I was over at my moms. The bench that my mom, who was holding Sydney, was on was not locked correctly, and collapsed. They ended up falling between my mom's bookcase and a rocking chair, we were in their living room. My mom did a great job protecting Sydney, but must have injured her little leg when they fell. My mom was holding Sydney's leg when they fell.

After the fall Sydney cried a lot. We thought it was from the commotion and the 5 women in the room screaming. I held her and got her to nurse, and she seemed ok. She co-slept fine Sunday night, and she had some rough nights the past couple of nights so that seemed like a blessing to me.

Monday morning come. She seems ok, but SCREAMS when I changed her diaper. I fed her mashed potatoes on Sunday night, without knowing they had milk in them. I thought it was gas, because she was farting, so I gave her baby gas medicine and she seemed fine. I noticed she was holding her left leg a bit oddly, but thought maybe her diaper needed adjusting, as she was back to her normal happy self. I packed her up for day care and she SCREAMED when I strapped her in, which is par for the course. She usually cries at car seat time.

I took her to day care. I let her provider know what happened and asked her to call me if anything was wrong. She later told me that Sydney was fine, ate fine, slept a little more than normal, but only cried when she was changing her diaper when it was time for me to pick Sydney up. DCP was very upset by her screaming. She did not call me because she knew I was on my way. I called the pediatricians office and got an after hours appointment at 7. Sydney is weighed and now weighs 10 pounds 2 ounces!!! We see the PA. He is very kind, does x rays, says we need to go to Primary Children's ER in Salt Lake, about 30 miles away.

Silly me, I answer when my mom calls, and she says she is coming down. She feels very bad. I told her that who ever was holding her on that bench it would have happened with. DH had a paper due this am, so we had to call my bro to borrow his laptop so DH could finish his paper.

So after me waiting at the peds office for about 45 minutes, DH, mom and Bro arrive. Sydney was all nursed and happy. We believe in the laying on of hands, so DH and Bro give her a blessing. Her leg got bumped during the blessing and she started screaming. My mom nearly lost it during the blessing and ended up crying all over the MA. She was a very nice and understanding MA.

So we all drive to Primary's. We get there and get checked in. Even though the peds office called down and said we were coming, we are told to wait in the lobby. Ummmm The absolute last place I want Sydney is in a pediatric hospital Er waiting room. I tell the nurse that. She said, "well you said she got the synagis shots..." Yes, but they don't prevent RSV, they minimize it. We end up waiting in the car. Sydney desperately wants to nurse, so my mom ends up walking the parking lot all bundled up.

After an hour waiting, we get in. We wait. We wait. Nurse practitioner come in. Seems he did not look at the chart, so asks all the same questions again. Asks why DD is small. Because she is an ex 34 week preemie weighing 2 pounds 13 ounces, that's why. Anyway, he says that the x-rays that the peds office are basically worthless. Says we have to have some more.

Then the doctor in charge come in. She says that she and an orthopod looked over the x-rays and they were fine. They want different views of her knee after the doctor examined her leg. They also wanted to draw blood to rule out infections. She lets me nurse Sydney about midnight. Big relief for both of us, as I was about to send DH outside for the pump.

So rad tech comes for Sydney and I. We follow her. As we walk past the nurses desk, a nurse there says our x rays are on hold. We go back to our room, where I begin to panic.

As you may know, until a couple of months ago, I was a child welfare worker. Basically, as Sydney is an infant, I've been very upset that CPS would get called. There were plenty of witnesses to the accident, but still I was very worried. It turns out that a good friend was on-call for Davis county last night, but I still was so very worried. I don't want a CPS case, I don't want a CPS worker involved in my family at all. Something similar happened to another DCFS worker and the children got removed, the family was financially devastated, the worker lost his job. Their entire case was overturned by the appeals court. I'd rather skip that destruction to my family. Also, I believe that I would have to be put on admin leave if there is an investigation on-going as I work in a background clearance position of trust. So far to my knowledge, no referral has been made, thank God. It actually turns out that my friend had to respond to Primary Children's ER last night, same time as we were there. She knew where we were because she saw Vince walk into our room. She decided against visiting to spare me the heart attack that would have happened when I saw her, before she could say she was not there on business. I talked to my mom and DH about what to say if DCFS does get involved. As my sister is still a minor, my mom needs to remind her that she needs to ask for her parent if a caseworker shows up. Basically, I've been in the system, and while I think that child welfare is very needed, and I am very supportive of DCFS, I worry greatly about what would happen to my family. Simply put, I've seen a good family destroyed because a worker made an error. I spent a good part of the night worried about CPS. I mean we are talking about a bone injury in a non-mobile infant. I was just hoping no one decided to doubt what happened, because accidents do happen. Also thankfully, a lady from the neighborhood was over when the incident happened, so we have a non family witness, who also happened to be sitting on the collapsed bench.

The nurse comes in and puts the iv in. She gets the blood they needed. She got the IV in with one poke. We go for x-rays. The ladies were none too nice. Simply put, they asked me to wait outside. As I had said to my mom and to the nurse, I've been through worse with the NICU, I'm staying put. This is something that I have committed to myself from the NICU experience, something I learned. I am there for my daughter. At the doctor's office, the gave me a lead apron to wear, and asked me to hold Sydney's hands. At the hospital, I was not given an apron and they did not even speak to me after I refused to leave the room. I believe that even though Sydney was screaming, having me there to whisper to her and stroke her head was comforting. I hope it was. I don't want to get in the staff's way, but I'm her mom. They can do the procedures, I'll love. From being in the NICU, I've observed that when staff is doing a procedure that is their focus. They usually don't say nice things until they are done. That is why I want to be there, to comfort her while they do their job. I see this as they do their job as nurses, I'll do mine as mom.

After the blood tests come back perfectly normal and the x rays come back fine, the doctor recommends that Sydney have a bone scan. They can't do this at night, and we have to call in the am to schedule this. Because this involves injections, they leave the hep-lock from the IV in. I have been taking care of this. Sydney started to chew on the IV, she chews on everything, so I put a little bootie over her hand. It is the blue one she is wearing. She now chews on the blue head, and quite likes the rattle on her hand. She has not fought with it too much. We finally were discharged at 2:45 am. We were all so very tired.

It has been so hard going through this. It is bringing up emotions from the NICU. Medical issues, fear issues, CPS/social work issues, control issues, my mom issues. It's so hard seeing her cry in pain while procedures are done to her again. Seems she now recognizes syringes, as she started crying when she saw the nurse setting things up. Poor baby. It has also been sad when I hurt her. We have been holding and moving her with great care, but sometimes I bump her leg. She also screams when placed in her car seat, and if I'm not very careful when I change her diaper. She is so very active with her limbs, and her little left leg just sits there. She has it bent at the knee, almost tucked under. She may be happy and kicking with her right leg, but not her left. At her bath tonight, Vince held her arm, I bathed. She did the splashing with her feet that I've taught her, but only with her right leg. She does move her left leg, just not nearly as much.

So we go back to the hotel Primarys tomorrow for the bone scan. I can't nurse her after 8 am until after her procedure is finished and she wakes up, so I'll have to pump. She will be so unhappy. They said we can give her pedialyte in her bottle until 10 am. I've never given her anything but breast milk via bottle, so I have no idea how she will take to it. My mom is going with me as Vince has a final.

I called my boss about needing time off. Thankfully he was wonderful. I told him he could call if he needed anything but he reminded me that I no longer work next door (DCFS) and that they'll handle anything. It was so nice to have my boss worried about me and my baby not the work and being upset because she has to do something. Sydney's day care provider has called a couple of times very worried as well.

Sorry for the long post. It just flowed out of me.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Many questions

69 ODD QUESTIONS. COPY AND PASTE. BE TRUTHFUL AND SEND IT BACK TO ME AND ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS....
1. Are your parents married or divorced? Separated, but they have been for 7 years, so I think it’s about time to get a divorce.
2. Are you a vegetarian? No, and I’m having ribs tonight at a party. YUMMY.
3. Do you believe in Heaven? Yes
4. Have you ever come close to dying? no
5. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? Wedding ring, emerald stone ring, watch. I had a charm bracelet that I used to wear all the time, but I somehow lost it in the midst of having Sydney. It could be at my house, or it could be lost at the hospital. I feel sad about losing my charm bracelet
6. Favorite time of the day? Evenings. Hate mornings.
7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? No, YUCK!!!
8. Do you wear make-up? YES!
9. Ever have plastic surgery? No, but I’ve had laser procedures and want more. Someday after I’m done having children I want a breast lift/reduction and tummy tuck.
10. Do you color your hair? Yes, the grays really showed up after the baby.
11. What do you wear to bed? Usually a nightgown.
12. Have you ever done something illegal? Yup. Who has not?
13. Can you roll your tongue? Yes.
14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? No I have them waxed.
15. What kind of sneakers? New Balence
16. Do you believe in abortions? I used to be pro-choice. But after seeing Sydney on the screen at 5 weeks 6 days and hearing her heartbeat that small, I’ve changed. I lean more pro-life now. I don’t want the government being involved in my life, but I also think that babies need to be protected. I wish there were more adoptions, and that every baby would be a wanted baby.
17. What is your hair color? Brown
18. Future child's name? Well… Katherine still is out there, but if a boy, William Vincent.
19. Do you snore? Yes, loudly.
20. If you could be anywhere in the world where would it be? Beach
21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No, but I sleep with 2 homo sapiens and 3 felines.
22. If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Buy a house, new cars, super first class vacation. Oh, and buy some Manolo Blanik shoes.
23. Gold or silver? Gold
24. Hamburger or hot dog? Both are nice.
25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? What is that about? I’d die of boredom. I do love Italian.
26. City, beach or country? Beach!
27. What was the last thing you touched? My lips, now the y key now the space key… I give up. 28. Where did you last eat? At my desk breakfast, French toast sticks from Burger King.
29. When's the last time you cried? Last night. Sad movie.
30. Do you read blogs? YUP, sure do.
31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Ummm…. I’m in pants and a button down shirt now…..
32. Ever been involved with the police? Yes, personally, professionally, and sexually…. ;) Vince is a MP.
33. What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap? I just love the freesia Vo5 kind. Smells so nice.
34. Do you talk in your sleep? Only when sick or on a sedative.
35. Ocean or pool? A pool by the ocean, great!
36. What's your favorite song at the moment? Patty Cake.
37. What's your favorite color? Pink and blue
38 window seat or aisle? Window
39. Ever met anyone famous? Was in a traffic jam in a car next to a car being driven by Anjelica Huston. Traffic in LA, the great equalizer. Marina Sirtis, Deanna Troy from Star Trek.
40. Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? Hope so. I have a family who I love and who loves me, that is pretty successful.
41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl
42. Ricki Lake or Oprah? Ricki is not on any more. Oprah when she is doing one of her fluff shows. Otherwise she is VERY preachy. Same for Martha. When I was on bed rest, I LOVED Maury with his paternity questions.
43. Basketball or football? USC football, even though they let UCLA win.
44. How long do your showers last? Depends, could be a 8 minute one, or a half an hour one.
45. Automatic or do you drive stick? Automatic. I can drive a standard.
46. Cake or ice cream? Both! Chocolate, Yummy.
47. Are you self-conscious? yes
48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? NO
49. Have you ever given money to a tramp? Used to, but now I don’t. I sometimes offer to buy them some food.
50. Have you been in love? yes
51. Where do you wish you were? Jamaica
52. Are you wearing socks? Yes
53. have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes
54. Can you tango? No, wish I could
55. Last gift you received? Vince bought me an Ipod Nano for my birthday.
56. Last sport you played? *the sound of crickets*-. . . . Does watching college football and cheering count?
57. Things you spend a lot of money on? Food, clothes, scrap booking, just general money wasting. Vince and I have a lot of electronic gizmos.
58. Where do you live? Utah
59. Where were you born? Downey, CA.
60. Last wedding attended? Can’t remember
61. Favorite fast food restaurant? Taco Time
62. If you could do anything over, what would you do? Save better.
63. Most hated food(s)? broccoli, onions, radishes, melons
64. What's your least favorite chores? Picking up and folding laundry
65. Can you sing? Yes
66. Last person you instant messaged? Barry at work
67. Last place you went on holiday? Been so very long…. Maybe Bear Lake?
68. Favorite regular drink? Diet Coke and Pepsi, ice cold water, fresh squeezed orange juice
69. Current crush? Vince :)

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