Open letter to the staff and board of the Ronald McDonald House in Houston

To those at the Ronald McDonald House....

Welcome to the present. You can no longer bully someone and expect it to stay a secret. Welcome to the modern day where people from across the world can gather together and discuss issues with relative ease.

Welcome to the connected world. I'm sure you never imagined your email server would crash, or your voice mail boxes would be full. Wait until tomorrow's mail. I'm sure when you met with this family, you had no idea the can of worms you have opened.

You are avoiding a nurse in solely because we don't want to disrupt the other families staying at the RMH. Otherwise... Nurse in... I'm thinking nurse ins at all our local McDonald's. That will do both the RMH and The McDonald's corporate image good.

Why don't you Google RMH breast feeding? It's all bad. You can change the top posts to positive ones by your actions. Write a breast feeding is welcome her policy. Apologize to this family. Truly welcome diversity, including nursing moms. Stop giving phony lip service to nursing, and instead support nursing moms with open and whole arms.

I hope all the negative press and negative blog sites are worth it. I hope one day to be able to post the apology you owe this family.

You can stop this. Change your policies, educate your staff, apologize. Know this negative publicity will NOT stop until you change your tune.

I remembered my deep thought!

The outcome of the Meeting with the Ronald McDonald house.

Here is the mom's post on what happened in the meeting with the execs at the RMH. My comments follow the post.

Ok here is the outcome of the meeting. We got out about and hour ago and I have been trying to find time to post here after returning some phone calls. The meeting was about 2 hours long and included myself and my sister, a representative from the LLL, and a doctor from the area who is responsible for some big research on breastfeeding. I will not mention their names as I have not asked them for permission to do that but we thank them both for their support! We could not have handled the meeting without them. I contacted the suggested LLL person in Texas(again no names) and she sent them right out. She was great as well and worked tirelessly for us today.From the RMH Arlene, the Director of Operations, as well as Naomi, the Executive Director, attended as well as a couple of their board members.

After a very lengthy conversion with many twists and turns the RMH is allowing us to stay. We are from now on allowed to breastfeeding in the communal areas if we follow some rules they have set forth and not too many people complain about it. They said if just one person complains they will tell them they support breastfeeding and discuss with them why they are concerned. If many people were to complain they will have to deal with that as it comes up, they could not say how as they have not encountered the situation.

The rules we are to follow are that we are to be discreet, this is at our discretion, meaning we choose what discreet means but they said they will obviously know if we are not being discreet if people are complaining that they are uncomfortable with us nursing. We are also being asked to inform the people around us before we begin nursing if we think there is anybody that may be uncomfortable with it. We are to tell them nicely that we are going to breastfeed, in case they want to leave or look away.There was alot of discussion about what discreet meant, but after some pretty silly possibilities for discretion they decided it would be up to us as to what that meant. They said they would not bother us about nursing again unless many people complained, which nobody felt was likely to happen.

The RMH wanted us to tell everybody that the RMH supports breastfeeding moms...they were VERY adamant about it. You can decide for yourself if that is true, I am only passing on what they said to us.

Now, at this point, this only applies to us. When asked how other nursing moms would be treated they said they cannot make any changes right in the room but
that they will be examining the practice, or oral guidelines, of asking breastfeeding moms to stop. They said they did not have the power to make policy change, it had to go to the board; which they said they would seriously discuss doing. Obviously alot more was said in 2 hours but this is the gist of the situation. If they really do examine their guideline this could be a really good thing but we will have to follow up to make sure that happened. Please if you decide to write anymore letters(and they received ALOT of letters) please do so to encourage them to reexamine thier guidelines and to thank them for considering it.

Although they were not apologetic to us they have agreed to reexamine their stance and this could be really good for alot of nursing moms. If we handle this correctly this could mean national change for the RMH.We will be waiting to find out how this plays out in the following days and will will update as needed. Lots of media have contacted us from all kinds of large outlets and I am still not sure who, if anyone, I will talk to at this point. We are trying to decide how to best help ALL moms.We want this to benefit moms across the board so me and Jessica will be working to change their guidelines as we go. And the LLL says they will continue to offer us support. We are not giving up on a full scale policy protecting moms, but we will have to wait for a board decision on that. This will take time but I am confident that we can make this happen.

THANK YOU ALL FOR OUR SUPPORT!!!!! Above all if you all had not done what you have done I suspect we would not have had the outcome we did or even had that meeting. Your advice and input is welcome here as to how we should proceed and we will be checking in. Thank you.

Thank you for posting this update. I'm glad Tobin is out of the hospital, and I hope he keeps getting better.

From my point of view... You are doing your best to make the best of this impossible situation that they have put you in. OP, I'm not ranting at you at all. I support you, I'm mad that they made you agree to this to be able to stay there.

I'm pissed as hell at THEM. HOW DARE THEY TELL YOU WHEN AND HOW YOU CAN NURSE! I'm 100% positive that I have offended people by NIP and I don't give a rats ass. I nurse my baby when, how and where I and Sydney desire. NO ONE ELSE FACTORS IN.

I find this to be a condescending and patronizing solution. Please be discreet and don't offend little day and we will "allow" you to nurse in the common room. If someone is offended, you must hide, not them. They are still not following the law. Why must YOU ask if it is ok to feed your baby? Are they making EVERYONE ask if it is ok to eat? Because I am personally very offended by bad table manners, and they should have to go hide, not a baby eating.

I will be calling again tomorrow. They need to know that they cannot get away with this crap any more. With the internet it is incredibly easy to organize and enhance activism. I'm highly offended by this solution. I feel for you being in this situation.

Oh, and as for me, that RMH is VERY breast feeding unfriendly and unsupportive. They say they are supportive of breastfeeding like Imus says he is not a racist.

Later on someone posted this.... my response is attached...

Originally Posted by R
Ah, but they [meaning objecting IL's] KNOW you breastfeed, the other guests at RMH don't (at least at first). But in that case you stand up and remove yourself to a place BEHIND them (not in their line of sight), so they have to actively TURN AROUND to SEE you discretely breastfeeding your babe--better yet, if at all possible, turn your back to them so they can not see you feeding your baby. You have by your act taken their modesty into concern and that is where your obligation ends. R

And NEITHER do the people sitting next to me on an airplane... Should I poll the plane of I can nurse or will that offend someone? How about at church, the mall, anywhere in public.

I WILL NOT MOVE UNLESS I WANT TO. I'm not responsible for them, I'm responsible for my baby and me. They can turn their head. How am I supposed to move on an airplane or a bus?

I guarantee that the gay guys in front of me were a bit wowed when they saw me nursing in the line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, but they said nothing and turned toward the front of the line. I accidentally flashed one of them because DD popped off to protest nursing not laying down. Should I have gotten out of the line? NO.

I also know the lady next to me and DD on the plane was less than thrilled, but that is not my concern. My concern is that DD is being taken care of and loved.

Nursing is not something to hide. I should not have to do gymnastics to nurse. I cannot live my life for fear of offending someone. That is not living.

BTW, and not that this matters, but I'm a discreet nurser, but sometimes DD pops off. I quickly get her back on or cover, but that is because that is what I want to do.

I have a great point I keep forgetting to post, but forgot what it is... sheesh.

Ronald McDonald House in Houston bans nursing in common area

I'm very angry. The Ronald McDonald House in Houston has threatened to kick a family out because they have the nerve to actually want to nurse their babies in the common area.

I actually called Naomi Scott today. I left her as professional and composed a voice mail as I could. In response to her concern over multicultural respect, I stated that people do not have a right to NOT be offended, but mothers do have the right to nurse in public. I also stated that most countries are much more accepting of nursing that the United States is. I also told her how offensive her comparing nursing to smoking is. Smoking causes cancer, breast feeding reduces the risk of this. I asked her to create a breast feeding positive environment rather than a hostile one. I also stated that if this is not resolved satisfactorily soon, I will be contacting major corporate donors to the RMH whom I do business with to complain, namely Farm Bureau insurance, Coca-Cola, McDonald's, and Stampin' UP (I forgot to say the stamp company, but oh well.)

For me, this is one more example of multiculturalism gone too far. In response to a supposed offense, they have severely offended others. Nursing is not something to hide or be ashamed of, much less to ask a mom to go up to her room 3 stories up from the common area. FYI, the common area is the ONLY place that eating is allowed. Bottle feeding is welcome here, breast feeding is not. How offensive is that! If someone is offended by a baby nursing, THEY don't have to look or THEY can leave. We are talking about a hungry upset baby here. Between adults and babies, babies win every time.

I'm very upset by this. This is discrimination, pure and simple. Someone thinks that the children are too old to nurse so they are going to harass this family because of the staff members' personal beliefs. World wide the age of weaning is about 4 years. AAP recommends breast feeding until at LEAST (not STOPING at) age one. The WHO recommends nursing until at least age two. Well I disagree.

Sydney turns 1 next month. I have no plans to stop nursing her any time soon. I plan on nursing her for much longer. I'm not sure if I will child lead wean, but I love nursing her. It is a great way for me to re-connect with her after a day being apart.

Frankly, I'm very disappointed at their reaction and their insistence to stick to their illegal, immoral, and unethical policy. I think they are being very stupid if they think this will go away and not hurt their donations. They do not get to ignore the law because they do a great thing most of the time.

I honestly think these people all need to leave. I'd like to see them all resign.

Here is her story.

My sister and I are staying in the Ronald McDonald House in Houston because one of her 17 month old twins had to have brain surgery to remove a tumor last week. The RMH has been great and we have felt so blessed to find such a safe and homey place to take care of her other two children and my daughter while we are here for Tobin's recovery. However yesterday my sister, who is nursing the twins, was asked to stop nursing in the communal area of the Ronald McDonald House and to take it up to her room. She was shocked! After his surgery her son will basically only drink breast milk and it is the only thing that eases the constant pain and anxiety he feels.

She told them that it was illegal, according the Texas state law, to ask a breastfeeding mother to stop nursing in any public or private place. She also tried to explain to them how inconvenient it would be for her to take all her children up 3 floors to their room every time her sick child needs to nurse. Unfortunately after 30 minutes of arguing, and being threatened with being kicked out, she was in tears and they weren't backing down. So I headed down there to talk to the administrator because I am also nursing my three year old daughter. I even pulled up the state law on my laptop and after a lengthy discussion the administrator acted as if she was going to examine the law so she understood it and move on. I thought that was the end of it. Today I find out they may be kicking us out of the RMH because we refused to comply with what they call their "interpretation of the law". Their interpretation is that if they provide somewhere else for us to nurse they don't have to let us nurse in public places.

Since when do laws get to be personally tailored to an organizations needs?This is a ridiculous and terrible situation for all of us, I am not sure what else we will do if we can't stay here but we can't just not nurse our children. The Ronald McDonald is such a great resource, why do they have to discriminate against nursing moms?If you would like to send a letter(s) we would appreciate it. Arlene Whatley is The Director of Operations of The Holcombe location of the RMH where we are staying and one of the people who Jessica spoke to about this. It is Arlene that seems to be making the decision here. Her email is awhatley@rmhhouston.org and her phone is (713) 795-3570.Also her higher ups, The Executive Director can be emailed at nscott@rmhhouston.org and the Director of Administration is srichard@rmhhouston.org. This message may also be shared and reposted as you see fit. Thank you all for your support.

**Update**..please read Update posts for a more info but as of Saturday Afternoon(4/14) we are still being asked not to nurse anywhere but our rooms and Arlene, who I spoke to today by phone, has informed me that she will be contacting the Executive Director and their attorneys on Monday about the situation before any other decisions will be made. I have been told by Arlene that she will do what she needs to do and that I am to "be very careful" about what I decide to do. We are being told that we are not being asked to leave right now and that they never meant that we should have to...despite the fact that Arlene told my sister in front of another RMH employee on speaker phone that families who could not acclimate to the environment at RMH should find somewhere else to stay. She admitted this to me on the phone today, that yes she did tell Jessica that...but that did not mean we actually had to leave. Also the day after she was asked to stop nursing(yesterday) Jessica's social worker was contacted by RMH and was apparently told that she may need to help us make other accommodations. The RMH actually contacted my sister's social worker who handles Tobin's case while he is in the hospital and got her involved...because Jessica was nursing and they are not ok with that? I guess nursing means not acclimating to their environment and she was just trying to intimidate Jessica into stopping the nursing of her sick son. I do want to say that aside from Arlene, and the original employee who asked my sister to stop nursing, we have been treated very well here and want to say that the RMH has great employees as well as the ones bullying us.

Here is the update... it gets worse... the Director compares NIP to smoking.

I am still updating the original thread but someone suggested I also post a new one so that it will be easier to find the new information. I just spoke to Naomi Scott, the Executive Director of the RMH Houston, and we(Me, Jessica, Arlene and Naomi) have a meeting this afternoon (tentatively) at 4pm. She came back from her vacation early to handle the situation. Naomi needs to speak to some people before the meeting she said.

Unlike Arlene, Naomi was very pleasant on the phone but she told me that although they are not kicking us out right now that it is a guideline(an oral one) to ask all breastfeeding mothers to go to their rooms to nurse. This is the first I have heard of any oral guideline from anyone. It was never mentioned before. She told me this was because they had multicultural residents here and that they need to protects all the residents from feeling uncomfortable. Because of this they are not changing their stance on us breastfeeding downstairs. She also said that she has received calls from corporate but that each RMH is run independently. They have also received calls from national donors and she said that was uncomfortable and that all of our emails crashed their server(although they have fixed it now) which was costing them money.This is all I know for now but I will be contacting the LLL about representaion of some sort at the meeting and I am going to try and get ahold of corporate myself right now. Thank you all for your continued support..and please keep the pressure coming, we will need it now MORE THAN EVER to make sure all moms have the right to breastfeed at the RMH. Please call or email Naomi Scott at 713.795.3560 or nscott@rmhhouston.organd call or fax corporate if you feel you can as well. Corporate RMHPhone: 630-623-7048Fax: 630-623-7488Please let them know that their apparent "oral guideline" as Naomi put it, of directing employees and volunteers to ask mothers to nurse only in their rooms is not acceptable and that we should be able to nurse anywhere we are allowed to be at RMH. Especially since bottle-feeding is perfectly acceptable in these same communal areas(there was a woman in the common area feeding a bottle last night).

BTW. she never called me back.

For Mama Moose

Mama Moose is a poster on the alternative BB where I hang out.

For some reason, Myspace removed pictures of her nursing her baby, and she has been harassed on a separate BB for having nursing pictures in her signature. In support of her, a "virtual" nurse in has been declared. To particiapte in a nurse in, and to show support, I'm posting pictures of Sydney nursing. I took them myself.

For me, this pictures are an example of a miracle. After her birth, having to EP, her very difficult time learning to eat, and her very high palate, the fact that Syndey nurses is a miracle. She has thrived on nursing. Plus, as I'm basically a lazy person, nursing her at home has made life much easier on me.

Buckets, NIP. and church Oh My!

Reminding readers of my disclaimer... I'm about to get rather outspoken and narrow minded, and opinionated.

Vince and I went to church today. It was nice to get out and be around others. Some things bothered me which I can't really discuss there, but I will here.

What is with all the babies in Buckets? (aka Car Seats). I've got to admit, there are times in which the bucket is nice, like when running quick errands, or when two hands are a necessary. There are also times the bucket is a NEED, like when driving in the car. Then there are times that the bucket is one more thing to carry, like at church.

I'll admit, I've been very proactive at wearing Syd. I wear her in the chest pack at the grocery store, and am seriously considering purchasing a sling or Mei Tai carrier. MIL gave me a carrier that she used, and I wear Syd on my back in it when I make dinner. I carry her when I can, because I want that attachment and bonding with her. I want her close to me, or to some other live human being, not in a bucket. Syd HATES the bucket, and screams EVERY time I strap her in, why would I want to do that over and over. I'll just leave it in the car, thank you very much. I have a nice hand warmer to put in it to keep it warm in the winter. I cover the buckles with a blanket in the summer to keep them cool/

Seriously, I was the only mom with a baby who did not have the bucket. I saw 2 strollers. What is up with that? Both of the moms with the strollers have babies under one. Why do you need a stroller at CHURCH??? I've never even used my stroller. Not kidding. I'm sure at some point it will get use, but I've always worn her. It is easier and safer for me to have her close to me. I can't walk away and leave her if she is strapped to me. When we went to Peach Days, I wore her the whole time. One of the stroller moms was telling Vince he should have me bring the stroller..... I could not help roll my eyes. I just think that babies should be held, and church is a great place to do that. It is so nice to hold a sleeping baby, and someone is always wanting to hold a cute baby if you want a break as a mom.

There is another mom in the ward, a mom whom I visiting teach. Let me say, I don't agree with how she parents. She weaned at 6 weeks because she wanted him to sleep through the night. Her baby boy is about 3 months old. He sleeps all by himself in the living room because he was waking up their other son. When we left from visiting, she left him crying on the couch. When we drove away, she was outside with her husband and older child. I feel so bad for that baby inside crying. This mom barely ever hold her own baby at church, someone else is always holding him and feeding him formula.

It's just weird to me. I NIP (nurse in public) all the time. I NIP whenever Syd wants to eat. Frankly, I'd rather not miss what is going on. I've practiced and feel I'm rather modest when doing this. When I was changing Syd's diaper, another mom came into the mother's room to nurse. She turned her chair all the way around so she was facing the corner and then put a blanket on. Another mother left sacrament meeting, came back 20 minutes later, and I'm guessing she was nursing. I usually don't use a blanket when NIP, but during the hymn Syd was rather distracted, so I used a blanket folded up as a bit of a shield, as she kept popping on and off. I feel the blanket thrown over the shoulder screams "I'm Nursing" and implies there is something to hide.

Nursing is not something to hide. There is no shame with NIP. Nursing should be celebrated, promoted, championed. I'll NIP as my own little demonstration that nursing is best. I NIP because I need to feed my baby. I can NIP and eat a meal, grocery shop, attend church, watch a movie, etc. Basically NIP lets me have a life outside of the home.

My mom told me I could nurse in Relief Society, but not in Sacrament Meeting. When I went to church with her, Syd wanted to nurse during Sacrament. She told me to go to the mother's room. I did. In that church as in mine, it is an alcove off of the bathroom. YUCK. I nursed there while people toileted and flushed and vowed I would never do that again. I told her so as well. She talked about being discrete and thinking of others. I said I am discrete, and that the one I should think the most of is my baby. If others have a problem, they can leave or look away. I might step out into the hall if Syd is being distracted, but otherwise I'll nurse where ever I dang well choose. I nursed at the Jazz game last week, BTW. Utah law states....

76-10-1229.5. Breast Feeding is not Violation of this Part.A woman's breast feeding, including breast feeding in any location where the woman otherwise may rightfully be, does not under any circumstance constitute a violation of this part, irrespective of whether or not the breast is covered during or incidental to feeding.

Oh, and the lesson was on food storage.... no mention of extra supplies for a nursing mom, oh no, but talk on formula and water for that. GRRRRR

I just wish more people would hold their babies and not haul the buckets everywhere they go. It has been hard breaking Vince of this, because that is what everyone else does. I told him he can haul the bucket, I'll carry the baby.

Disclaimer

I am very proud of my ability and desire to breast feed. I mean no offense to anyone who cannot or choses to not breast feed. Your choices and experiences are as valid as mine, and I mean no disrespect. I know there are situations where breast feeding is intensly desired and not possible, and want to state that any future possible posts re: breast feeding and formula are not directed toward any person.

Just wanted to post that in response to some (a lot) of my blinkies and my new ticker, as well as planned future blog enteries.