Public Service Announcement: Re working mothers

Written in response to a PM I recieved on a BB I hang out on....

To whom it may concern:

I don't want your opinion on my working. I'm not giving my opinion on your family planning/SAHM status, why do you feel privileged to do so? We were talking about a completely unrelated subject, and you chose to bash me for being a working mom.

I had a very welcomed and longed for but unplanned pregnancy, not that this is ANY of you business. We had been planning to do intensive IUI then IVF after DH graduated from college. I'm the breadwinner right now. However, I got miraculously pregnant all by ourselves ahead of schedule.

When I saw that positive pregnancy test, I was overjoyed beyond measure. I also knew I would be a working mama. Or I could be broke and homeless with no health insurance. Or I could have aborted a miracle. Those were my three options. (And actually the third one was no where near an option. As was number 2.)

You say you are pro-life and that you would not have had children if you had to work.... again what would you have had me do in this situation? Me personally, I chose to give life, love my baby and DH, and enjoy my family. Family is first, work is a far second.

I'm so glad that your life was so planned that you did not have to work. I do have to and choose to work. I also LOVE working. My DD is very loved and very attached to me and DH. I consider that I might want to be a SAHM, but right now that is not in the cards. I think that DH and I are the best parents we can be, day care included. We did give how to raise her a second thought BTW. We read, studied, and planned. We were prepared parents, even if to you we do not appear to be, because DD was born before we were both out of college, home owners, and financially stable.

Joy does not wait for the check book to be balanced.

I refuse to let you guilt me with your claims of children are best cared for in their homes by their parents... BS! I've seen PLENTY of SAHM's who do nothing but watch TV all day. DD is in a day care where she get attention and yes LOVE. She is loved by her DCP, by the DCP's children and by the other children, and she loves them. Yes this is not a mother's love, but I believe that children need to have a loving environment no matter were they are. She gets loads of attention and love from me 16 hours of the day. She is with DCP 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Otherwise she is usally with me or DH. I've actually read a study but can't remember the link stating that SAHM's and WOHM's spend about the same amount of time with their children.

I don't go around lecturing SAHM's about how I think they should be working, as I firmly believe that every woman should have the choice to stay home if that is what she wants and can afford it. I do not believe you have any right to feel above me because our lives are very different.

I have a wonderful job which is very flexible and compatible with mothering. My situation may not seem perfect, but it is the working very well for us. Who's situation is perfect, anyway?

Oh, and if you are saying Don't be offended but...well then, you know what you are saying is offensive and judgemental.

And just in case you are wondering what she said to spark this entry... I'm pasting the relevent parts of her message...

Honestly, I do not EVER judge women for returning to work after having children because that is a very personal decision and sometimes a necessity. I planned my family for over 5 years and one of the first things that we agreed upon was that one of us would be a SAHM because I did not ever trust anybody to provide as much love and care as me or my partner. Not saying that DCP's aren't loving and nurturing, but I wanted that for my children from *ME*. Don't take offense to that (because I know many mom's would/will), but personally I feel that a child is best cared for by mommy or daddy at home. And I think there are a lot of people in this world planning families and not even giving that a 2nd thought. Again, personally, I wouldn't have even contemplated having children if I had to work. I just didn't want that for my child(ren). I am 40 and my oldest is 2. I waited until I knew that I was going to be her caregiver 24/7. But again, that's not always possible, so you have to give up some things that you normally wouldn't have had to.

Some of those lactivists make me laugh. I think the vast majority of them are probably pro-choice. So, it's ok to choose to end the life of a fetus, but it's NOT ok to feed that same baby formula? WHAT? I just have to laugh at half of those posts. Again, I'm a huge advocate for nursing your child, but I'm more of an advocate for loving your child.

Sorry to have offended you, but I call it the way I see it and so many people can't handle that (i.e. the closed thread).

Seat Belts

As you may or may not know, I'm a huge proponent of seat belts. I believe that not using a seat belt should be a primary offense, allowing law enforcement to pull you over and cite you for it.

Seat belts save lives. I'm alive because of one.

So today some co-workers and I went to lunch. We all went in a state owned mini-van, as we were also going to a meeting after. It is state law and policy that employees wear their seat belts while on the job, and after as well.

One of my co-workers did not put on her seat belt.

I asked her to. I got a "yes mommy." as she grudgingly fastened the belt. I told her that yes, I am the seat belt nazi.

See, it was not just endangering her to not be wearing her seatbelt. It was endangering all of us in the car because if we are in an accident, she then goes flying around the car, hitting others.

I am like, put on your damn seat belt. It's the rules and you should not have to be reminded.

The tale of the bathroom sinks at work.

So, there is a bathroom here at work.

And the bathroom has two sinks in it.

Whomever selected the sinks did not purchase faucets which match, meaning the the angle at which the faucet sends out the water and the way the water meets the sink usually causes the user to get soaked. They also selected those automatic faucets, which while I the germaphobe, appreciate the lack of touching, the user has no control of water speed, flow or temperature. While there is hot water service to the building, I don't know where it goes, because it does not get to the bathroom faucets. The water is usually freezing, and used to come out with a lot of pressure and force.

Someone decided to "fix" this. Now one faucet comes out slower, but with so little pressure that the faucet is like drip, drip, drip. It is nearly impossible to get enough water pressure to hose the soap bubbles off of your hands. The other faucet also has low flow, but because of some trick of nature, comes out with a lot of speed and pressure, meaning that it feels like little needles are being shot into your skin. Not a pleasant feeling. On the plus side, your clothing no longer gets soaked.

With all the resources available to my very large employer, is it impossible to have a happy medium? I would like a faucet where it neither soaks my shirt nor feels like the water is cutting my skin.

That's all for today. Nothing earth shattering, I'm afraid.

What more do you want from the mother of a teething baby who decided that night time is the best time to express her unhappiness about that?

My day

Here is how my day has gone so far.

1. It's about 10 degrees here. What happens when it gets super cold? Car batteries go kaput? Yup you guessed it. Oh what fun that is in the very cold, weather report said it was 11 degrees, a crying baby and a jumper cables. DH was at school.
2. I've been busy all morning. I'm about to explode. I sit down to pump. Guess what? No power I left the @#$#^# thing at home. Because it's freezing cold here, get all bundled up and go to convienence store for batteries. Pay highway robbery for 8AA's.
3. While pumping, someone comes by wanting to chat. I cover up and chat while trying to not squirt her.
4. DH had to go for an ass chewing at ROTC. Have not heard what happened.
5. Dh washed his cell phone. My bid for a great cell phone on ebay got sniped by a 0 feedback moron, brand new ebay jerk, I mean member, with no intention to pay. He outbid everyone on all of the seller's auctions. Means I have to wait until Sunday to get this purchased.
6. Sydney gets about 6 immunizations this afternoon. So I will have to deal with a very cranky baby for the next couple of days.
7. I need to buy a new formal top for 2 formal dinners this weekend. No time or money.
8. I am trying to stockpile breast milk. Problem is I am barely getting enough to cover her day care feedings. I estimate I need 4 ounces for tomorrow evening when MIL watches DD because I have to work late, 8 ounces for when sister watches DD from about 6-10 on Friday, and at least 12 ounces for when my mom (sigh) watches DD from 2:30 to 11ish on Saturday. Pressure and stress. My Stash from the NICU days is gone, gone, gone.
9. The computer program we use is down. Can't do my work.
10. I have to go to training the next 2 days with a training nazi. For some dumb reason, while all other state trainings go from 9-4, hers go from 8-5. Oh, I love driving to Salt Lake in the traffic.
    

So that's where I am today.

Career choice....

Your Career Personality: Detail-Oriented, Observant, and Hard-Working

Your Ideal Careers(I so did not rig this): Designer Family counselor Independent store owner Interior decorator Museum curator Nurse Preschool teachers Social worker Stay at home parentTeacher

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

Updating

YES!!!!!!!

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!

I will be a caseworker with the Division of Services to People with Disabilities. I am beyond excited. I nearly screamed when they offered me the job. I am beyond happy. Notice my new ticker. Same pay, benefits, etc. I even just work next door, so no commute change.

Basically between the pressures of child welfare administration and the drama and pain of my caseload, I'm done. I will miss working with the teens, but I just need a change. I don't want to get fired, and fear I will because I cannot meet the stupidly impossible standards they have set. My supervisor does NOTHING but say yes master to administration. She does nothing to protect or advocate for workers.

Example: Last Friday, I called her, facing a possible removal of 4 children at about 4:30pm. By that point, I had mearly 30 minutes left in my 40 hours. She grudgingly approved Overtime. The removal was avoided. I told her then that it was likely that I would need overtime the next Friday, as the removal was basically postponed a week. I explained to her that I do not wish to end up working unti 9 on Friday if I don't have to, so may need overtime again. She declined to approve OT, said to have oncall do this. Which is fine, but the paperwork which goes along with a removal would have been my responsibility. Want to know why we lie and put down 40? DCFS is being sued for violating OT policy, but then refuses to authorize it. What would the harm be in authorizing up to 5, which is fully within her discretion?

Why would I expect more from her? I don't know why. This is the woman who asked me if my pregnancy was planned and what my plans were for it when I told her I was pregnant. This is the woman who made comments about my "vacation" referring to my bedrest. She wanted to know if I really had to take the time off. This is the woman who called me the day after I came home from the hospital wanting to know when I was coming back. Ummm lets see, just off narcs, really sore incision, really sick baby in NICU, how about tomorrow. That phone call was the ONLY reason I was back at work 2 weeks after a c-section. I was worried I would lose my job. I knew I wanted to have some time left for when Syd came home to mommy her, and knew if I did not go back, I would have no time. As it was, I had one week home with her. When we were reviewing my cases, which the covering worker did NOTHING on while I was off, asked "what have you (meaning me) learned from this?" I made some smart answers, and she replied "don't get pregnant." I could go on about the other insensitive pregnancy comments, but will refrain. I will add that another co-worker has experienced similar problems.

Basically, her attitude has been harder and harder to deal with. I can't stand working for her. A new supervisor and building manager both are very promising, and I am sad to leave the possibilities they may be bringing. I don't want to work with my supervisor anymore.

I don't want to work with my clients anymore. I have the reputation of being able to handle the hard clients. I have worked hard to earn this reputation. Problem with this is that my caseload has become the dumping ground for the hard cases. In the last year, I have had some very hard demanding cases. Bad abuse, domestic violence, manipulation. The parents are so hard to work with. I went a year with no formal complaints, I've had 6 since March. I have not changed how I work, my clients have been the hardest to work with. If I stand up to them, they complain. I cave, the children are at risk.

Friday was the last time, I hope, that I witness a removal in court. I hope it is the last time I advocate for a removal. The mom is one of the worst cases of emotional maltreatment I have ever seen. She was ordered to behave, then abused them in the office lobby. The children went with their father. Even thought I fully support the removal, I still hated seeing mom cry in court. She has another one on the way, same OB as me.

The emotional baggage I carry from this job will be with me forever. I want to escape to a happy place where children are loved and nurtured, like my baby is. I want to forget about incest, child porn, abuse, and threats. I want to retreat into my happy marraige, instead of witnessing the destruction of relationships which never should have been. I am tired of fearing for my safety. I am tired of worrying if a client will follow me home and harm me. I had a nightmare about a client coming to the hospital and harassing me there, and no one would come and help. I am tired of this. It hurts. I want to go to work and leave it there, and not have it come into my home, my bed, my dreams.

Maybe I can go off the happy pills with my new job. I've been on them for over 2 years now. Who knows.

I am so happy. I so needed a new job.