Yes Faith, there is a Santa Claus

No, I'm not dead.

I'm actually ok. Really I am.

I have had a hard time thinking of things to post, hence the silence. I just don't think you all really want to hear me whine about missing Vince over and over, and that's what I feel I'd write.

A brief synopsis of what I've been up to

1. Still employed at the same place, doing the same thing.
2. Syd has 3 new teeth, and is so close to really walking.
3. She can expertly climb up and down stairs.
4. My Wellbutrin was switched to generic and stopped working. I'm on Effexor now.
5. I have spent a lot of time watching Star Trek videos on you tube.
6. I even bought some seasons of Voyager off Ebay.
7. I've been reading a lot of Janeway/Chakotay fanfic. I've written some, but am too embarrassed to post it anywhere. I've spent a LOT of time at home reading this.
8. I found some old fan fic I wrote years ago. I'll share only if I ever meet you in person, or I know you in person (Dawn, Trista, Susan, etc this means you) You are free to compliment, but are are forbidden to ever mock me (well teasing because it is so bad is ok). Bad writing here. I wrote it in college, and before I was married. I swear it is bad.
9. I'm lonely. My appetite has been sucking lately because of Vince being gone. The bright side of this is I've lost close to 25 pounds.
10. Syd is finally out of the bucket car seat and into a convertible one. I still have her rear facing.

On a very happy note, I just got back from 4 wonderful days with Vince in St. Louis. He had a break between his trainings, and I flew out to see him. I left Syd with my mom. That was hard. We stayed at a Hilton, and the hotel was wonderful. We had a wonderful time just being with each other. We were able to see the play "Rent" which was on tour there, and the play was marvelous. We ate at lovely restaurants, and went to Six Flags. I HATED our rental car, and HHR, because the blind spots were huge, but otherwise the time was fantastic. It was the first time I had left him at the airport, usually he leaves me standing there, and it was really hard on him to see me go. He said he now understands how it is hard to be left behind. I now know how hard it is to walk away from the person you love and go deal with the TSA.

While on the TSA, my carry on bag often doubles as my lunch bag. It had a fruit cup in a side pocket, a fruit cup I had forgotten all about and had no idea how old it is. You would not believe the fuss over a fruit cup. I told them to throw it away, and they had to consult supervisors over it. I was allowed to keep my fruit cup, which I threw away because it looked old.

The flight to St. Louis was wonderful. I had the bench to myself and stretched out and read a book while sipping Diet Coke then tea, with music playing on the Ipod. So very relaxing and nice. It was such a burden off of me to know that I literally HAD to sit there and relax. No one could call me, and I could not call anyone. I did not have to feed Syd, just sit there and be. It was heavenly. Flights home not so much, but the flight there was wonderful.

Confidential to Sarah: Your card came on a very low day for me. I saved the money and Vince and I enjoyed dinner in St. Louis on my birthday thanks to you. I thought of you when we ordered, and said a grateful prayer for your kindness.

Confidential to Faith: Thanks for prompting me to write again. I was afraid I would start and never stop because I have so much to say. It was moving to see your post today.

Confidential to Dawn: Thanks for being here with me. And thanks for helping me clean my disaster of a house. Only a true friend would come and sort through this mess.

New videos

For your viewing pleasure, I have posted several new videos of Sydney on YouTube....

Main site http://www.youtube.com/intorainbowz


Going into Disneyland
We go to the beach
Sydney goes on It's a Small World
Sydney gets a crown
Sydney plays with the Mickey Mouse Balloons we bought her
Sydney goes for a ride on the Merry-Go-Round

See, I LOVE LOVE LOVE It's a Small World. I'm dissappointed I could not post the entire ride... We filmed the whole way through.

I have a couple of photo montages planned, I just need to find where I put the camera. I took tons of still pics.

And completely unrelated to the vacation... Sydney watches the crazy techno frog. It has so many hits because if you search for crazy techno frog on youtube, my video was number 3 (now number 7).

Hiatus over!

Hi, I've been back for about a week. I've needed some time to screw my head back on.

Random Vacation post mortem:

1. We had a blast. It was WONDERFUL. We so needed a break.
2. Disneyland is designed to get you to overspend, which we did with gusto.
3. The never lost (GPS) feature on the rental care was a vacation saver. It was so cool. I really want one now.
4. Vince is useless on an airplane. He basically plugged into the Tv's on Jet blue and forgot about me and Sydney. I got really mad at him, and he was like what am I doing, because he is one of those people who when they put the headphones in, forget there is a world out there beyond the headphones.
5. Wicked was WONDERFUL. I want to see it again. I cried several times. Vince even liked it. It was so very moving and I could just keep typing adoring adjectives, but will stop. There will be a post dedicated to Wicked.
6. Single Rider at Disneyland California is the best thing EVER. Basically you go to the front of the line. I was in line with a sweet couple on their honeymoon. She got picked first, then the attendant came and got the groom and I and then put us in line next to each other. I hurried and went and swapped with the bride.
7. There are 2 Sheraton's within shouting distance of Disneyland. Who knew?
8. MIL will find a way to call at a time which will be most embarrassing, ie when you learn you are at the wrong Sheraton. She will then lecture you. I will post about her too.
9. It was so very nice to just be with my family. Sydney is so smart.
10. Sydney cut her first tooth on March 11, the second day we were there. Sydney is a traffic stopper, she is so dang cute. It really throws people to see someone that small sitting, etc. She loves the stroller.
11. The trip was hard on Sydney. She went on a bit of a eating strike. She lost weight on the trip. We found out the day after we got back, because she was running a VERY high fever, that Sydney had an ear infection on the way home, which would explain the constant crying the flight home.
12. NEVER eat at the IHOP right by Disneyland. A normal breakfast for 3 adults with tip was $55. That is insane, and the service was not that good. No, no one had fillet Mignon.
13. It was so nice to stay at a nice hotel.
14. It was well worth it for the upgrade to the full size car, as we had so much crap.
15. Sydney thought the Haunted Mansion was a comedy ride. She laughed the whole way through. As we went in, Vince worried that she would be scared. I told him she was too young to know it is supposed to be scary, and I was right.
16. Sydney hates things that go wosh, ie the doors on the Monorail and flushing toilets.
17. My sister is a SPOILED BRAT. She went to California the day before we came home. Initially we intended to only spend 2 days at Disney, so I offered to sell her one day at $30. (Full retail price of one day park hopper ticket $83+tax.) She really made a stink about this. I figured I was saving her $50, and the tickets were not free for us, they were part of our package. Then after 2 days we had not done all we wanted, so we wanted to go again. I'd already committed to selling her the ticket, so we ended up purchasing another one at full price ($63 for one park). I'm really upset at me for agreeing to do that. It ended up costing me about $35 to save her $50.
18. Vince wants to move to LA. I'm in the HELL NO camp on that one. I don't want to live there. I miss the ocean and the palm trees, but I have no desire to live there. Anyway, we would only be able to afford a shack in an awful neighborhood.
19. I have some great pictures and video I'll post.
20. When we were eating at an in park restaurant I said to Vince, I don't know why we never came here to eat when I was growing up. When I saw the tab, I understood. $40. Two large and very good dinners for Vince and I, a REALLY good piece of chocolate cake (really big too) and sodas. As this was a buffet style place, no tip.

I have a lot of things to post, so I'm going to get cracking.

Preparations...

Here is a short list of things which must be accomplished before we leave for LA...

ASAP:

1. Change return air DONE!!!
2. Change car rental Got a great deal though Hotwire.

Immediate:

1. Find out how to transport frozen breast milk... ie what type of ice packs I can use Answer after 15 minutes on hold: See through gel type packs
2. Get a neighbor to feed the cats.
3. Pump and additional 4-8 ounces for the grand total of 20 which I wish to leave with our friends watching Sydney for the whole day. I have 11 ounces now!
4. Buy Imax tickets to guarantee entrance to Star Wars exhibit.
5. Call credit union to tell them we are going on vacation so they don't freeze our cards like last time.

Find, organize, and charge the following electronic devices and their cords - clearning memory as needed:

1. Camcorder
2. Camera
3. Ipods (update playlists)
4. Trouble shoot DVD drive on Vince's laptop (shows as working fine, won't play.)
5. Laptop
6. Cell phones - Decide if we are switching service before or after we go. No, I'm too busy.
7. Install camera and editing footage onto laptop.
8. Set DVD player to record 24
9. Breast pump and accessories

Figure out by Thursday:

1. What type of clothes to pack - winter or spring?
2. How many clothes we need to purchase
3. Go clothes shopping on Wednesday
4. Do we need more luggage?
5. What are we using for carryons/bags at parks
6. Buy locks to lock diaper bag to stroller and stroller to fence. DH is worried about them getting stolen.
7. Buy new gel type clear ice packs.

Clean:

1. Laundry
2. kitchen
3. Living room
4. downstairs bathroom
5. Empty trash cans and fridge of spoilage on Friday night.

Work:

1. Logs must be current (my own rule, I am 3 months behind)
2. PCP's scheduled
3. Office cleaned.

Pack:

1. Electronic gear
2. clothes for 3.
3. personal care items
4. dressy outfit for both DH and I
5. Figure out bags for car seat/stroller and checking these. We are gate checking these. Sydney HATES the car seat, so I imagine that we will use the stroller to carry the car seat while I wear her. We do have a travel system, which is very nice. I read to never check the car seat with your luggage because if it gets delayed you are stuck at the airport with no carseat. If you gate check it, the you have the best chance of it actually making your flight.

Just looking at this list, I am overwhelmed.

I hate traveling with the whole damn house, but I see no other options. We will go from Saturday to Wednesday am with no access to laundry. I'm thinking I need at least 6 (maybe 8) outfits for baby girl.

Defy Gravity!

Guess what is playing in Los Angeles....


It only opened February 21, 2007....

I'm going March 13, 2007.

We are sitting in very good seats.... and paying a pretty penny for them too!!! I was able to get tickets from Ticketmaster, so we at least I did not pay scalper prices. (But I was ready to pay that once I realized it was playing in LA.)

Figured it out??? Of course you have, my readers are very smart!!!!!

I get to see Wicked. I'm so very excited. I cannot wait. I have wanted to see this play so very bad. I so love the story and so love the music.

Yes, Vince is coming, but I can't help but think that was a waste of $100. I'm really thinking of taking our friend in LA who will be watching Sydney and leaving him with the baby. Hopefully he will like the story. I mean, a play CANNOT be that successful with only women and gay men fans? Right???

I'm sleepy.

I have more readers!!!! Yippee and welcome. All the nice comments got me thinking.... I should post!

I took Sydney yesterday to get her Synagis shot. ($150 + $20 copay to doc.) She weighs 11 pounds 13 ounces. She has gained 9 pounds in 9 months, give or take. She is getting taller and gaining some chunk. I'll post some new pictures soon. She has two teeth which have not popped out yet. I'll be glad when they do. I'm very glad to see she is gaining weight. I'm having supply problems, and I was worried about her weight. The ped said he thinks her weight gain is excellent.

ROTC is just kicking Vince's butt. He is trying to do a good job, but they keep changing the rules on him. He is trying to do his OPORD, but they seem to be expecting A LOT more from him than everyone else. If you compare what they want from him to what they accepted last year and OPORDS from other cadets this semester, his is way more detailed. I know because he showed me them from the web site. They have his confidence shattered and he is so depressed. Someone there has been implying that if he does not succeed in the ROTC program, that makes him a failure, in all aspects of his life. He keeps saying what a lousy father and husband he is. I know this is coming from ROTC. (They also seem to feel that his difficulties at ROTC are because of marital problems. They wanted me to come in and talk... I refused, because then I WOULD give them a piece of my mind, which would not help Vince.)I'm really trying to be balanced and not take Vince's side and defend him, as I know there have been times he could have worked harder, done better, etc. I do not believe this is one of those times. The cadre keep telling him to ask for help, but then expect him to have the solution already figured out, so why ask for help? He is getting nothing but negative criticism from them. Could they throw him a freaking bone and say this is better than the last one, because it is?

I'm very worried about him. He seems so defeated, so downtrodden upon. I'm very unhappy at whomever is insinuating that if he fails at the ROTC program that makes him a bad husband and father. ROTC is school, family is family. If you have to be perfect in your entire life to be a good spouse/parent, we are ALL screwed. Hell, I've been fired twice. Does that fact alone make me a bad wife? I don't think so. I think that your job performance is a part of you as a spouse/ parent, but only as far as you are trying, providing for the needs, and that the job does not take over your life. ROTC has taken over his life. His other classes are suffering, again, because of the demands of ROTC.

I wish I could just make this easier on him, but I can't. He is so sad. He is staying up all hours trying to please them. I've been staying up too to try to help, and am exhausted. I'm also going through an insomnia phase right now. These happen to me, and I usually take an ambien for a couple of days to break the cycle. The problem with that is Sydney nurses all night. We are co-sleeping, and you really should not co-sleep and take sedatives. I'm too afraid I'll roll over and kill her to take an ambien. I took 5mg while pregnant, as I had an insomnia spell then. They did not drug me that bad, but I took 10mg while in the hospital when I was very upset and exhausted, and it drugged me up so much, I some how out both contact lenses in the same well.

I'm really worried about our vacation now. I'm worried Vince will not be able to relax and we will have a nightmare of a time. He wants to bring homework. I think he needs a complete get away. He will have 4 days after we get back to study.

Look what I found!!!

So for the total nerd that I am, I discovered this exhibit which will be showing while we are in LA.

We get to see the traveling Star Wars museum show!!!! WOOOT WOOT!!!

Yeah, I bought IMAX tickets which guarantees entrance to this exhibit.

I can't wair to show Vince. He will be even more excited about it than I am.

Excited

I am so very beyond excited about vacation!!!! I made and advent calendar of sorts on my office door. It is out of blue postits. I'll post a pic once I bring a camera to work. So yeah, I'm excited. Usually I do a count down on a big calendar on my office wall, and cross out the days, but we did not get those this year, so I made my own count down clock.

Sydney got exposed to RSV yesterday at day care. Praise the Lord she got her Synagys last week. She should be covered. The thing about the Synagys is it does not prevent RSV, but it lessens it. If she does get RSV, hopefully it will be mild. I'm still VERY worried about this. She seems fine today.

We are co-sleeping, not because we are really into the beliefs about the benefits of co-sleeping, but rather because it is a way for us all to get sleep. (I believe in the benefits, but Vince is only sold on the idea that this means sleep.) Lately we have been struggling with this a bit. We had been sleeping with me in the middle, Sydney on the outside with her pillow designed for this to keep her from falling out of bed. Then she fell out of bed, so into the middle she went. (Once I moved her to the other side of me, and she fell out of bed before she even had a chance to sweat a wet spot from her head, she has a very sweaty head.) Vince thought that we might both have more room if we slept backwards, with his head by my feet and vice versa. I was not too keen on this because I'd rather wake up to his face, not his feet.

Neither of us know why, but we both woke up at the same time last night. Sydney had somehow wiggled sideways and across our queen bed, and was about to fall head first off Vince's side. She was asleep. I have no idea how she did this. She so far does not crawl. She really wants to crawl and catch the cat, but she does not. I tried teaching her yesterday. So the backwards thing is a no-go, and we are back to being a bit craped. I really wish she did not need to nurse all night, except when she is working on falling out of bed. My back is cramped from being on my side all night.

So far she has fallen out of bed 3 times. Once while I was getting ready to go, and twice at night. It is very scary and I really feel like a dumb parent when that happens.

Can I just SCREAM at Vince for a minute. Thanks. I've been talking vacation for 2 weeks now. He knew when we were going. So last night, I'M ON THE PHONE WITH JET BLUE to book the non-refundable air and the car, and Vince says "I think that is drill." !#%^^**(&^^%$$%^&*** (Insert swear word of your choice here.) So I hang up with Jet Blue and we talk. He hopefully can reschedule (RST) the drill. I went ahead and booked the hotel as it is refundable with a fee. Hopefully he will get the word back soon on RST. I'm just like "What part of can you go do you not understand?" and " Why in the hell did you not check your drill schedule when we started talking about this weeks ago?"

Hello again

I tried to post last week, and my post got eaten. So in reward, haha, you will get a post filled with grammar errors. Sorry.

Sydney finally got her third Synagis shot last week. She is sitting up and doing wonderful. We are so very blessed. She weighs over 11 pounds. I mentioned to my mom that she is getting big, and my mom was like you are crazy. Of course, my mom's largest baby weighed 10 pounds 11 ounces at birth. What I meant was that my baby is growing up. She is sitting. She reaches for things she wants. She is showing preference for people. She leans toward who she wants. She is getting much bigger than the tiny baby I birthed.

Oh, and contrary to the anti-c/s crowd, I did birth my baby. I gave birth. I may never have felt a single contraction, but I gave birth, same as women who go it no drugs. That particular point irks me no end. I hang out at an "alternative" online BB, and there are some women on there with views on prenatal care who terrify me. Have a home birth, I don't care, but don't judge me my c/s and healthy baby. And don't judge why I have no interest in a VBAC. You have not walked in my shoes. Why is it ok for them to judge my c/s but not ok for me to judge their complete avoidance of prenatal care, just because ALL ob's are SOB's ya know? Go ahead, have your HBA2C (home birth after 2 c/s) for all I care, don't judge my choices. One poster posted that she was upset because a client of hers, she is a doula, had a scheduled c/s. She posted "she had the baby uh... removed." No, I gave birth. My baby was not removed. Tumors are removed, babies are birthed. I really feel something is broken in me for having NO desire to have a VBAC. The thought terrifies me. The thought of a scheduled c/s is comforting. It angers me when I read about access to a VBAC being restricted because of insurance, and I'm supportive of women who want to VBAC, I have no interest in it. Rant over.

Why does my husband think he deserves a medal whenever he changes Sydney's diapers? If I remember correctly, he is equally responsible for her being here. It's like he is doing me a favor or something. His need to be super protective of her is getting on my nerves. I KNOW this is NICU related, but every little thing makes him jump up, almost panicked. REALLY. Last night she was crying because she wanted to be fed. He asks me what he should do. She wants solids, I already tried nursing her. I'm like feed her damn it. I'm doing the taxes. He got all mad, and I was like She is your daughter too. I'm really sick of Sydney seeming to be my project, and he is the helper. If he picks her up from day care, he is doing me a favor. If he feeds her, he is helping me out. I'm trying to empower him to care more for her and not step in at every little thing. Sometimes he makes me want to scream.

We are hoping to go on vacation in March, to Disneyland. I keep getting asked if we are taking the baby.... Hello??? What part of FAMILY vacation do you not understand? Sure, it would be easier without her, but then I would miss seeing her eyes when we take her on Its a Small World. She won't remember the details, but she will remember being with her parents, and we will remember the time we all spent together. So what if we ride the trill rides alone as we swap the baby? Who really cares? I don't believe I do a lot of bonding while on the Indiana Jones ride. Come on. Thrill rides are essentially a solitary activity, shared among strangers. Plus, as I'm still nursing, I'd either have to wean (That's a dumb reason to wean, IMNSHO) or pump. No vacation is a chance to not pump. Plus, I don't think I could be away from her that long, I would miss her so, and so would Vince. I have so little time with her, that when I use leave, I really want to be with her, and with Vince, as a family. All together. Yes, I know this means hauling a car seat and stroller to California. Oh well.

I'm so excited about this. Vince and I have not had a real vacation for 4 years. (Mesquite and Bear Lake don't count.) We are flying, renting a car, and staying at a hotel. We will be there 4 nights but because our plane gets there early and leaves late, we will have 5 full days there. We will do Disneyland for 3 days, Knotts Berry Farm for one, and have a free day to go to the beach and go see friends. I'm counting down.

Vince currently has orders to be gone August-October, and then November to January. Yup, looks like he will be gone for Christmas. Shit. I KNOW this is a part of military life, but that does not mean I have to be celebrating right now. Still sucks, expected or not.

For Trista.... Basically I've been wearing one pair of shoes.... Black Loafers I bought at Target. Just like these, only the toes on mine are all scuffed.