Open letter to the staff and board of the Ronald McDonald House in Houston

To those at the Ronald McDonald House....

Welcome to the present. You can no longer bully someone and expect it to stay a secret. Welcome to the modern day where people from across the world can gather together and discuss issues with relative ease.

Welcome to the connected world. I'm sure you never imagined your email server would crash, or your voice mail boxes would be full. Wait until tomorrow's mail. I'm sure when you met with this family, you had no idea the can of worms you have opened.

You are avoiding a nurse in solely because we don't want to disrupt the other families staying at the RMH. Otherwise... Nurse in... I'm thinking nurse ins at all our local McDonald's. That will do both the RMH and The McDonald's corporate image good.

Why don't you Google RMH breast feeding? It's all bad. You can change the top posts to positive ones by your actions. Write a breast feeding is welcome her policy. Apologize to this family. Truly welcome diversity, including nursing moms. Stop giving phony lip service to nursing, and instead support nursing moms with open and whole arms.

I hope all the negative press and negative blog sites are worth it. I hope one day to be able to post the apology you owe this family.

You can stop this. Change your policies, educate your staff, apologize. Know this negative publicity will NOT stop until you change your tune.

I remembered my deep thought!

For Mama Moose

Mama Moose is a poster on the alternative BB where I hang out.

For some reason, Myspace removed pictures of her nursing her baby, and she has been harassed on a separate BB for having nursing pictures in her signature. In support of her, a "virtual" nurse in has been declared. To particiapte in a nurse in, and to show support, I'm posting pictures of Sydney nursing. I took them myself.

For me, this pictures are an example of a miracle. After her birth, having to EP, her very difficult time learning to eat, and her very high palate, the fact that Syndey nurses is a miracle. She has thrived on nursing. Plus, as I'm basically a lazy person, nursing her at home has made life much easier on me.

Unsolicited Parenting advice

Why is it that people seem to have the need to give unsolicited parenting advice? Am I doing such a bad job that I scream I need help with this? Is there a sign I can't see saying that I'm such a bad mom my baby is about to die?

I think I'm doing a good job at this. Sydney's pediatrician tells us how good she looks. R, Sydney's day care provider, tells me how happy and well adjusted my baby is. Sydney wears clean clothing appropriate for the weather, has had a bath within the last 48 hours (every day dries out her skin), always rides in her car seat. Her cries are attended to in a fairly quick manner, I breast feed her at will, we read to her daily, we have her involved in our daily lives, etc. She is growing, gaining weight, developing, is happy, has bright inquisitive eyes, and is very loved. I think she is doing fine.

HOWEVER, because I can't seem to get her to sleep in her own bed, you would think I'm the world's worse mom, EVER. My mom thinks I should get Ferber and let her cry it out. Frankly, no judgement on anyone who did this, I think CIO is bad, bad, bad. My MIL thinks I should play her Mozart and that will help her sleep in her own bed. I can't hear her cry and not do something about it. Great one more thing I should be doing that I'm not. Sydney listens to classical music when I'm in the mood for it while we drive. Sometimes we listen to Shakira or the Black Eyed Peas. Sometimes we listen to talk radio. Sometimes I just listen to her talk. Johnny Cash has a very calming effect on her, so we listen to the man in black on a fairly regular basis. She's been exposed to Elvis, Kenny Rogers, Celine Dion, Usher and all the other eclectic mix which resides on my Ipod. There is plenty of Mozart, Beethoven, Handel, and Vivaldi on there. I believe there are 4 or 5 MoTab cd's on there. So now because I don't listen to Mozart 24/7, I'm sorta neglectful, or as my MIL said "she should listen to more of that. I'll get you a CD." No please don't get me a CD because I have versions I like and get uppity when something like Beethoven's majestic 9th symphony is performed badly. Music snob yes I am.

I'm not going around wearing a sign saying "We co-sleep and I'm begging for advice from anyone and everyone." I really try to keep it on the down low that this is going on. It seems that EVERYONE thinks that how the baby sleeps is a good judge of how you mother, so it seems everyone asks about this. I try to hem and haw about this, but no, she does not sleep though the night. The only way I know how to get Sydney to sleep is to nurse her to sleep. She like to nurse on and off during the night. I don't have a problem with this. I'm away from her all day, I think having her next to me all night is a good way to reconnect and bond with her. Plus she has gotten good at finding my nipple without my help, so sometimes I don't even have to wake up. It feels very nice to know she is right next to me, just fine.

I just want to scream "If this is a problem for you, do what works for your family. This is what is working for mine, and I don't need any help with it. "

All this advice makes me question how I'm mothering. It makes me worry that I am doing something wrong. I am trying to go with the flow and follow Sydney's lead. We do what is working for us. This advice makes me wonder if they think I'm doing a bad job, and it leads me to question my mothering skills. There is so much to worry about as a mother. I just wish my mom or MIL would tell me they think I'm doing a good job at this. All this "advice" leads me to think they believe I'm not doing a good job.

Not on my Blog

I have a damn ad for formula on my blog.

I hope I got it blocked.

If you see one, please email me at intorainbowz at hotmaildotcom. Right click on the ad link , copy target or link location, and paste that into your email. I have the ad blocked.

Not like anyone clicks on the ads, I've had 2 clicks the entire time they have been there.

It just ticked this lactivist off to come on here and find an ad for formula. GRRRRR

I KNOW there are women who must formula feed, please don't be offended by my next statement, K?

There are so many things in common between the formula companies and the tobacco industry it is scary. These companies actively sabotage nursing the world over. Babies die because they are not nursed. Formula is recalled. Water is bad in Africa. Our government is very bad at catering to the formula industry. I firmly believe those in power are putting profits over babies.

I'll never vote for Mitt Romney. Massachusetts had banned the bags given to mother's leaving the hospitals. He overturned that ban. Those bags are not given out because formula companies are nice, they want customers. They know that if they get a baby onto formula, mom will lose her milk, then they have a client for a year or so. EVEN if there is no formula in the bag, mothers will select that brand of formula if they switch. I'm too lazy to find the link for that. Those bags are an active tool in sabotaging a brand new nursing relationship.


No violating the WHO Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes on MY blog, thank you very much.

I hate pumping.

There I said it.

I hate pumping.
I love nursing.
I just hate pumping.

I had to pump from the very start. There has rarely been a day, except for a few weekends, when I have not pumped daily. My job is much more compatible with pumping and I even have a lock on my door. It's not a logistical issue anymore for pumping problems. It is emotional.

Until about 2 months ago, I had quite the stash of breast milk, pumped from when Sydney was in the NICU eating about 8 ounces a day and I was pumping 30. That milk lasted forever, it seemed. I had tons. I had it stashed at my mom's house, and we could not have ice cream, because there was no room in the freezer for it. So once Sydney was home and finally nursing, I only pumped at work. I would get about 12 ounces a day or so, but this never bothered me, as I had PLENTY to use. I'm down to 8 ounces or less a day. Part of that is because I only pump, and I pump late in the day, but I just can't emotionally "get it up" for pumping 3 times a day.

I now have no stash. I'm only a day ahead, because I forgot to take her milk to day care one day last week. Thankfully R had a frozen bag there, because my day was so hectic, I had no time to get more to her. R tried to feed Sydney the formula recommended by our pediatrician, and Sydney refused to eat it.

Thankfully Sydney eats most of her solids at day care. She gets about 8 ounces of breast milk there, and nurses a lot at home. She eats solids at about 8:30 right before going to bed. Her weight gain is good, so we think this is working out ok. She is not going hungry or thirsty at day care, we make sure of that. R said Sydney really loves my milk.

I want to stop pumping. I hate it. Then I remember Sydney loves my milk. I had thought about stopping pumping if she took formula ok, just at day care, but she refused formula.

I feel a bit trapped.

I love that she loves my milk. It is a way I can take care of her even when I'm away. R said my milk settles her down for a nap.

I just hate pumping.

I made a goal to get to one year of nursing when I had Sydney. I have no intentions of stopping nursing at a year. She loves it, I love it, and it is the ONLY way I know how to get her to sleep. My goal has changed. I'll get to a year pumping, then stop. I need a goal to get me through this.

I know this is completely selfish, but this is how I'm feeling. Pumping reminds me of how I had to start pumping for a tiny baby, rather than nursing her. It has a lot of emotional baggage attached to it.

Its all good

So we took Sydney to the ortho clinic yesterday. New x-rays, nothing showed up. It all looks good. The doc said to not worry about growth plates, they usually don't cause problems in babies and the bone scan showed the injury in the middle of her femur.

I'm tired. My job is boring and this last week has just drained me. I was so worried about so many things, I just want a break.

Thanks for the kind words. Really ready for a break. Actually looking forward to having my wisdom teeth pulled so I can have a break.

My mom is up to her usual drama, same crap as after Sydney was born. I want a break from that as well. Why can't my family be normal?

MIL up to naughty stuff as well. I am not enjoying the holidays and I miss that. I want to relax and enjoy Christmas. I really love Christmas.

Sydney is her happy and wonderful self. I wonder how someone as moody and depressed as I am could have such a happy go lucky as Sydney. She is the shining star in my life right now.

My brother is up to crap as well. Ohhh I can't stand him. Short: He thinks I should go somewhere else to nurse when I have people over on Christmas. Yeah, he runs my life. Not. He can shove it.

Why does my family think its ok to make stupid suggestions like that one?

A radio talk show host who shall not be named was asking a caller on her show if her family knew she was married, if they acted like it, did she know she was married and acted like it? Thoughts for me to ponder. I don't think that most of my family acts like I'm an adult. How do I change this?

My day

Here is how my day has gone so far.

1. It's about 10 degrees here. What happens when it gets super cold? Car batteries go kaput? Yup you guessed it. Oh what fun that is in the very cold, weather report said it was 11 degrees, a crying baby and a jumper cables. DH was at school.
2. I've been busy all morning. I'm about to explode. I sit down to pump. Guess what? No power I left the @#$#^# thing at home. Because it's freezing cold here, get all bundled up and go to convienence store for batteries. Pay highway robbery for 8AA's.
3. While pumping, someone comes by wanting to chat. I cover up and chat while trying to not squirt her.
4. DH had to go for an ass chewing at ROTC. Have not heard what happened.
5. Dh washed his cell phone. My bid for a great cell phone on ebay got sniped by a 0 feedback moron, brand new ebay jerk, I mean member, with no intention to pay. He outbid everyone on all of the seller's auctions. Means I have to wait until Sunday to get this purchased.
6. Sydney gets about 6 immunizations this afternoon. So I will have to deal with a very cranky baby for the next couple of days.
7. I need to buy a new formal top for 2 formal dinners this weekend. No time or money.
8. I am trying to stockpile breast milk. Problem is I am barely getting enough to cover her day care feedings. I estimate I need 4 ounces for tomorrow evening when MIL watches DD because I have to work late, 8 ounces for when sister watches DD from about 6-10 on Friday, and at least 12 ounces for when my mom (sigh) watches DD from 2:30 to 11ish on Saturday. Pressure and stress. My Stash from the NICU days is gone, gone, gone.
9. The computer program we use is down. Can't do my work.
10. I have to go to training the next 2 days with a training nazi. For some dumb reason, while all other state trainings go from 9-4, hers go from 8-5. Oh, I love driving to Salt Lake in the traffic.
    

So that's where I am today.

Buckets, NIP. and church Oh My!

Reminding readers of my disclaimer... I'm about to get rather outspoken and narrow minded, and opinionated.

Vince and I went to church today. It was nice to get out and be around others. Some things bothered me which I can't really discuss there, but I will here.

What is with all the babies in Buckets? (aka Car Seats). I've got to admit, there are times in which the bucket is nice, like when running quick errands, or when two hands are a necessary. There are also times the bucket is a NEED, like when driving in the car. Then there are times that the bucket is one more thing to carry, like at church.

I'll admit, I've been very proactive at wearing Syd. I wear her in the chest pack at the grocery store, and am seriously considering purchasing a sling or Mei Tai carrier. MIL gave me a carrier that she used, and I wear Syd on my back in it when I make dinner. I carry her when I can, because I want that attachment and bonding with her. I want her close to me, or to some other live human being, not in a bucket. Syd HATES the bucket, and screams EVERY time I strap her in, why would I want to do that over and over. I'll just leave it in the car, thank you very much. I have a nice hand warmer to put in it to keep it warm in the winter. I cover the buckles with a blanket in the summer to keep them cool/

Seriously, I was the only mom with a baby who did not have the bucket. I saw 2 strollers. What is up with that? Both of the moms with the strollers have babies under one. Why do you need a stroller at CHURCH??? I've never even used my stroller. Not kidding. I'm sure at some point it will get use, but I've always worn her. It is easier and safer for me to have her close to me. I can't walk away and leave her if she is strapped to me. When we went to Peach Days, I wore her the whole time. One of the stroller moms was telling Vince he should have me bring the stroller..... I could not help roll my eyes. I just think that babies should be held, and church is a great place to do that. It is so nice to hold a sleeping baby, and someone is always wanting to hold a cute baby if you want a break as a mom.

There is another mom in the ward, a mom whom I visiting teach. Let me say, I don't agree with how she parents. She weaned at 6 weeks because she wanted him to sleep through the night. Her baby boy is about 3 months old. He sleeps all by himself in the living room because he was waking up their other son. When we left from visiting, she left him crying on the couch. When we drove away, she was outside with her husband and older child. I feel so bad for that baby inside crying. This mom barely ever hold her own baby at church, someone else is always holding him and feeding him formula.

It's just weird to me. I NIP (nurse in public) all the time. I NIP whenever Syd wants to eat. Frankly, I'd rather not miss what is going on. I've practiced and feel I'm rather modest when doing this. When I was changing Syd's diaper, another mom came into the mother's room to nurse. She turned her chair all the way around so she was facing the corner and then put a blanket on. Another mother left sacrament meeting, came back 20 minutes later, and I'm guessing she was nursing. I usually don't use a blanket when NIP, but during the hymn Syd was rather distracted, so I used a blanket folded up as a bit of a shield, as she kept popping on and off. I feel the blanket thrown over the shoulder screams "I'm Nursing" and implies there is something to hide.

Nursing is not something to hide. There is no shame with NIP. Nursing should be celebrated, promoted, championed. I'll NIP as my own little demonstration that nursing is best. I NIP because I need to feed my baby. I can NIP and eat a meal, grocery shop, attend church, watch a movie, etc. Basically NIP lets me have a life outside of the home.

My mom told me I could nurse in Relief Society, but not in Sacrament Meeting. When I went to church with her, Syd wanted to nurse during Sacrament. She told me to go to the mother's room. I did. In that church as in mine, it is an alcove off of the bathroom. YUCK. I nursed there while people toileted and flushed and vowed I would never do that again. I told her so as well. She talked about being discrete and thinking of others. I said I am discrete, and that the one I should think the most of is my baby. If others have a problem, they can leave or look away. I might step out into the hall if Syd is being distracted, but otherwise I'll nurse where ever I dang well choose. I nursed at the Jazz game last week, BTW. Utah law states....

76-10-1229.5. Breast Feeding is not Violation of this Part.A woman's breast feeding, including breast feeding in any location where the woman otherwise may rightfully be, does not under any circumstance constitute a violation of this part, irrespective of whether or not the breast is covered during or incidental to feeding.

Oh, and the lesson was on food storage.... no mention of extra supplies for a nursing mom, oh no, but talk on formula and water for that. GRRRRR

I just wish more people would hold their babies and not haul the buckets everywhere they go. It has been hard breaking Vince of this, because that is what everyone else does. I told him he can haul the bucket, I'll carry the baby.

Disclaimer

I am very proud of my ability and desire to breast feed. I mean no offense to anyone who cannot or choses to not breast feed. Your choices and experiences are as valid as mine, and I mean no disrespect. I know there are situations where breast feeding is intensly desired and not possible, and want to state that any future possible posts re: breast feeding and formula are not directed toward any person.

Just wanted to post that in response to some (a lot) of my blinkies and my new ticker, as well as planned future blog enteries.