Letter to Vince

So, because I am so busy, I ended up typing a letter to Vince. There is nothing too personal in it, and I describe what my feelings are now about living with my mom. I am too busy to re-type this, so here it is.

Dear Vince:

Sorry I’m typing again. I will try to write you a letter tonight. Last night, Sydney started crying when I tried to write you. I feel very bad because I know you need letters right now because you are in the field and things are stressful. It has been very hard to find time to write you. Basically, I get harassed and teased by my family when I try when they are around, so I stopped trying. I try to write you after everyone goes to bed, but I get tired too, and last night Sydney was crying. I feel bad because you are getting me letters, and I really have not sent you a real letter since Thursday. I will try harder, but I am very busy and stretched thin.

I am doing ok, I want you to know that. I am just busy and tired. I want to be home. I am tired of dealing with my family. I miss our home and life together. I miss the cats and my own washer and dryer. I miss our bed. I just want to be home. It has been very hard living with my mom and sisters. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but this is VERY hard for me. I just want our normal life back. It is hard to parent with a parenting “expert” there constantly. I would just move home, but I don’t know what I would do for day care. It is stressful. I don’t want to do this again for the 2 weeks you are gone, but I also can’t think of another plan. I spend all my time in the car driving and feel I have no time with Sydney. And when I am there, I have to share her. I am having a hard time with my mom’s lifestyle and rules. I also want her to stop giving me marriage tips. She is trying to help, but the marriage she keeps “tipping” me to have would drive me nuts. I don’t want her marriage, I like ours just fine. I also am not parenting Sydney the way I want too, because she keeps “helping” me on what to do. I just want privacy. Yesterday, my grandma Tuff came over to see the baby, right as Sydney wanted to eat. Instead of leaving, she stayed and watched. Sydney was having a hard time staying latched and then was having a crappy latch, so it was a hard session. This was complicated by my grandma being there, so I was fighting with a blanket and an audience, who never breast feed herself. I wanted to scream. I wanted to say I needed privacy, but I am really concerned with not upsetting them. Thing is, I am upset. I feel very tromped on and unhappy. I really don’t know what to do.

I am doing ok. I don’t want you to think that I am not. This is just hard. I mean when Sydney was in the hospital, at least we were together and at home. My mom also has very little tolerance for me having emotions. She does not want to hear how hard this is for me. She does not want to hear that I miss you, that I hate working. She does not want to believe that living with her is very hard for me. I mean, I’ve had my own life for 7 years now. I’m also not supposed to be affected by Sydney being in the NICU. She is trying to be supportive, but she is not being supportive in the way I need it. She thinks her life is hardest, and I have nothing to complain about.

I miss having you to tell the little things about. My nipples are so sore from the crappy nursing session yesterday, but I have no one to tell about. I miss our daily interactions and the little ways that you make my life so much better.
FYI, Sydney is sleeping with me. It ticks my mom off. I don’t know why, because she co-slept with us, but she thinks Sydney belongs in her crib. It is so much easier for me to have Sydney with me. I start her out in her bed, but when she gets up to be fed, she stays with me. Since she is breast feeding so well, I hook her on and go back to sleep. I don’t see any reason to wake my self up to put her back, only to have to get her in a couple of hours. Just so you know, I plan on keeping that in place. We may what to move her cradle, but I just think she can stay with us. We can talk about this when you get home, but I just wanted to prepare you. Oh, this does not preclude pleasure times. She can be in her cradle just fine there. Just thought you might get worried about that, so don’t. I miss your touch so much.

I hope everything is ok. Please stay strong and focused. I love you very much. I got your card yesterday, and it touched me. Thanks for sending me the card. I am ok, and I am sorry this is a whining letter. I did not mean for it to be that way, but it turned out so.

I love you very much. Sydney is doing great. I take her for a weight check on July 31. She is growing and making so much progress. She has an orange stuffed monkey she loves to stare at. She stares at it for hours. It is so cute. She is trying to turn herself over. She likes her bath a lot as well. She is healthy and doing wonderful. She looks so much like you. I love her so much, and tell her that you love her as well.

Be strong. By my calendar, you come home in 9 days from today. You are on day 24. You should be able to call me on August 31, in 4 days. I am so wanting to hear your voice.

I love you so much.

Yours forever,

Wendy