Good Friday

Today I was cleaning the disaster which is our office desk.

In the piles, there lay the ultrasound reports.

Stacked neatly from week 18 on.

Every other week.

Somewhere about week 28, I spilled a Diet Coke on them.

DAMN.

Those reports reflect such a hard time in our lives. EACH and EVERY one of them mentions the high risk of intrauterine fetal demise. They all discuss that the rate of growth is outside of normal At the first one, at 18 week 0 days, I measured 16 weeks 5 days. The dates just get worse from there. Starting at 1/19/2006 to 5/12/2006 I had a level 2 at least once every 2 weeks. March 30, I had steroids. Good Friday last year, I had to have my NST at the hospital because my ob's office was closed. I almost had a baby that day, and my sister was in a car accident. She was driving to get my sister after dropping me and my mom off at the hospital. I was flunking the NST, then I almost flunked the BPP. Finally my mom's cell phone rang during the BPP. It was the police officer dealing with the accident, but that ringing got DD to practice breathing, and she passed. She had 6 minutes to go before the test ended. They gave me 30 minutes. So stinking stressful.

Yesterday, someone IRL told me that my NICU stay was easy. HA. Sure we avoided a vent, but that was about it. Anyway, it is not a contest, but I told that person I did my worrying my entire pregnancy. I spotted at 5 weeks 6 days. I had my first level 2 at 18 weeks. I had at least one u/s a week from then on. I got to have the stress of a high risk pregnancy for 16 weeks. I was on bed rest for 8. My DD was in the NICU for 6.5. I did my time, TYVM.
I'm right in the anniversary time right now and am struggling. I Just wish thing had gone differently. I love DD and would not trade this experience, it is still painful and hard to deal with.

I just wish things had come out differently.