Birth Story, Part one

I have decided to re-write and post Sydney's birth story. It will be in chapters, as I feel I'm writing a huge book. Here is part one. It mostly rehashes my obstetric history.

To understand Sydney’s birth story, I have to give you some history.

On our second anniversary, Vince and I decided to try to conceive. We thought we’d just go have fun in bed, and a baby would come. Not so. After about a year of nothing, we started seeing doctors. We had several embarrassing and painful tests. It was so hard to do this. It turned out that I had a very large septum in my uterus, kind of like what is in your nose. It was very large, and needed to be taken care of. After the surgery to resect this, I figured out that the septum was so large it was stretching my uterus and causing pain. It curled around and blocked my cervix so no sperm could get near an egg, if an egg was there. During this time, we were not on any birth control for about 3 years.

Another problem is that I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome. I basically did not ovulate and my hormones were bonkers. It was suggested that I lose some weight, as I was very overweight. In 2005, my mom and sister and I went to Weight Watchers, and I managed to lose 30 pounds.

During this time, I was taking Yasmin. The PCOS can cause scaring on the ovaries, and preventing any ovulation helps prevent this. One day, I realized that I had forgotten to get my prescription refilled. I called my doctor, and was told I needed to use an alternative form of contraception, and restart once my period resumes….

Vince and I talked about this. As we had 3 years with no birth control, we figured no problem. We also felt that IF we did get pregnant, well no problem either. We had been told that we would likely need serious medicine up to IVF to get pregnant. However, our reproductive endocrinologist told us after EVERY visit to no use infertility as birth control. I also know that “NO ONE” gets pregnant the first cycle off the pill. When I was not on birth control, my cycles were all over the place, so I figured, no problem.

Fast forward to October 19, 2006. I remember the date because it is my birthday. As I was going to be, a show on PBS was discussing early pregnancy and the effects on the mother. Number one sign: sore breasts. My breasts had been VERY sore for a couple of days at that point, and I was so tired. I had suspicions that I was pregnant at that point, after watching the documentary. I kept this to myself, because I did not want to get Vince excited for nothing. A co-worker who fancies herself a psychic told me I was pregnant. (Maybe she is, but she also said I was having a boy.) I told her not to my knowledge. I had mentioned this to no one at work. There was a rumor about someone we work with being pregnant, and as I was one of few in the childbearing window who was not pregnant, several people came and wanted to know if I was the pregnant one. (It actually turned out to be someone else.)

The next day, while at the pharmacy getting a refill (on the Yasmin of all things) I purchased a home pregnancy test. I waited until I got home, and peed on the stick. Both lines turned pink almost instantly. I can’t tell you how many of those sticks I have peed on just praying it would change colors. It never had before. I could not believe it. Vince had late classes that night. I was dying to tell him. He called and said his class was home early, and was thinking of stopping at the store. I told him to come right home. He came home, and I met him at the door (not my usual thing to do.) He later told me he turned around and looked at my car, sure I had hit something with it. I took him inside and showed him the stick. He asked me what that was, and I told him that he was going to be a daddy. We were so excited and in love.

We went to Yellowstone that weekend with my family. We kept the pregnancy a wonderful little secret between the two of us. I remember my mom saying that next year we can all ride up together in her van. I whispered to Vince that we won’t all fit next year.

After we got home, I went and saw my general pratcioner, who ran a pregnancy test. I told her I was pregnant or dying of cancer, because morning sickness (all day sickness) had arrived. She confirmed that I was pregnant, and referred me to her OB, a woman who I have blognamed Dr. Calm. Dr. Calm delivered my Gp’s children, so I felt that was a pretty good recommendation. I called her office and got an appointment for a couple of weeks out.

The next day, I told my mom, via email. (I thought it was cute to email her the picture of the pregnancy test, but she hated it. Oh Well.) I told people at work. I put the picture up on my blog. At about 3pm, I spotted. I googled this for about 20 minutes, called the GP. Her nurse said this was not likely something to really worry about, but if it got worse, I should go to the ER. I was so worried, that when my friend came into my office, I started crying all over her. She reminded me that we have good health insurance, and I should go to the ER.

Vince works his late job on Wednesday. I called the police department he was working for, as his phone was off because he was in court. I am sure that my voice told how upset I was, as the dispatcher would not let me just pass on the please call me message, rather, she went and got him. I sobbed to him that I was spotting and wanted to go to the ER. He was coming right home.

I cannot tell you how in despair I was. I was so very sad. I called my brother who lives about a mile away. In the LDS religion, we believe in the laying on of hands, and I wanted a blessing. I sobbed to him that I was pregnant and spotting and I wanted a blessing. I had not told him I was pregnant, as he and his wife also struggled with infertility and are waiting to adopt. I was unsure about how to tell them I was pregnant, as I know how hard it has been for me to hear that others close to me are pregnant. It turns out, this was the best way to tell them.

Vince beat them home. When he came in, I just sobbed on him. I felt so guilty, as such a failure. I felt that I was rejecting our little miracle. I just kept sobbing. My brother and his wife came over. He and Vince anointed me with oil consecrated for the healing of the sick. We believe blessings are very sacred, so I will not go into detail. However, the blessing was one of needing strength, challenges to come, and a promise for the best medical care. Sometimes blessings carry promises of miracles and that your worry is not necessary. This was not one of those blessings. The blessing talked about needing the strength of the Lord, and trusting in him. I was so sure that the blessing meant our baby was passing, as did Vince, my brother and his wife. She held me and sobbed, afraid of what would happen at the hospital. She had had similar blessings during her miscarriages. It seemed so cruel, to get pregnant in such a normal way, to lose the baby so soon. It turns out this was a horrible night for them. After they left our home, they went to their adoption class, which was on birth parent’s experiences. They listened to birth parents tell the pain of making placement. My mom was also there, as was her parents. My mom was there supporting Ron, worrying about me in the ER.

Vince drove like a maniac to the hospital. When we got there, as I was not bleeding “too much” we had to wait. We waited an hour, me crying the whole time. Vince cried too. It also seemed to be weirdo night at the ER. There was an old lady screaming about not being able to poop, a couple of drunk people who broke their buddy’s foot among others. NICE.

We finally get taken into the ER. They put me in the GYN room, which scared me, but also was nice as it had walls and a door, the privacy was nice. I kept telling Vince I was so sorry, and he kept telling me this was not my fault. We get forgotten for a while, then in comes the vampire to draw blood. She misses, and is now lining up for poke number two, when the ER doc comes in. ER doc has vampire unhook all her gear, and leave. I was relieved to see her. She is well respected, and has provided excellent care to members of my family, as well as myself in the past. She seemed a bit brisk, but professional. She did a pelvic, which was a blast with no stirrups. She said the cervix was closed, no tissue. She said I needed an ultrasound.

A new CNA comes into the room. She needs to put a catheter in to fill my bladder to help with the ultrasound. If anyone has ever had a catheter placed into a full bladder, well, that’s a new type of torture. Anyway, she missed, and placed the catheter into my vagina. When I told her it was in the wrong place, she denied that it was in the wrong place, so I reached down and pulled it out. She then went and got an RN who got the catheter in. I had to put my legs into a “froggy” position, which was fun. The nurse made it harder for herself by needing to keep me covered while doing this. I told her I was Ok with Vince seeing anything she needed to do, but she kept doing this under cover.

The vampire comes in and finally gets her blood draw. We wait forever, then are wheeled to the ultrasound. I was terrified on way there. I knew that when we got the ultrasound going, we would know very quickly. The tech tried to find the pregnancy via the abdomen. No luck. She then added more fluid to my bladder. Wow, the pain. Again no luck on finding the pregnancy. I’m having a very hard time holding onto my composure at this point. She then, thankfully, drains my bladder. She asks if she can use a vaginal probe. Well, I’ve had those several times before and really have no problems with having them. She gets the probe ready and then we get going.

Then the miracle. There is a heart beat, a nice strong heartbeat. It was magical to hear. Vince and I cried with relief. The little bean was jumping all over the screen. It was a wonderful to see our little one. We were so very worried up to that point. The tech took measurements of our little baby. Based on my last menstrual period the baby was measuring two weeks small. However based on my being irregular, as well as the fact that this was the first cycle off the pill, they are not concerned. I was measuring 5 weeks 6 days. The tech told us that the day before, or two days ago, they would not have been able to see the embryo. Vince and I named the baby “Bean”. Based on my googling earlier on, I knew that the chance of miscarriage was very low at this point. From what I read, once a heart beat is detected, the risk of miscarriage drops significantly. I told this to Vince. We relaxed and were happy. We go back to the ER, and wait, and wait, and wait. We read a lousy sports magazine. We are forgotten. I’m hungry. We are tired. We are bored. We have had the release, and are ready to go home. I’m still catheterized. I’m uncomfortable. Finally, the doctor comes in, and tells us this was a “threatened miscarriage” with a 50/50 chance of still miscarrying. We get forgotten again. Our cell phones start ringing, with family members being concerned. We tell them we are still pregnant. The CNA pops her head in and tells me to get dressed. I remind her I still have a catheter in. She goes “really”, and disappears. It was weird how after we knew we were still pregnant, we just wanted to leave, and were getting impatient. Finally the nurse comes in, removes my catheter, gives me some baby wipes, and leaves. I get dressed. We leave. When we get to the parking lot, my mom was there. My mom figured that since we were still there, we had a miscarriage. We showed her the ultrasound picture of our baby. She says some things, like it only gets harder. I hug her and we all go home, very late. Vince calls his mom and tells her. She says she is very happy for all of us.

The next morning, well, I call in sick. I had told my supervisor already. She seemed less than thrilled. I have a co-worker cover some home visits I had scheduled that day, and neglect to tell him to not mention the pregnancy. Hence, 2 foster parents I work with find out I’m pregnant and almost miscarried way sooner than I am ready for this to occur.

Stay tuned for part 2.