I'm sleepy.

I have more readers!!!! Yippee and welcome. All the nice comments got me thinking.... I should post!

I took Sydney yesterday to get her Synagis shot. ($150 + $20 copay to doc.) She weighs 11 pounds 13 ounces. She has gained 9 pounds in 9 months, give or take. She is getting taller and gaining some chunk. I'll post some new pictures soon. She has two teeth which have not popped out yet. I'll be glad when they do. I'm very glad to see she is gaining weight. I'm having supply problems, and I was worried about her weight. The ped said he thinks her weight gain is excellent.

ROTC is just kicking Vince's butt. He is trying to do a good job, but they keep changing the rules on him. He is trying to do his OPORD, but they seem to be expecting A LOT more from him than everyone else. If you compare what they want from him to what they accepted last year and OPORDS from other cadets this semester, his is way more detailed. I know because he showed me them from the web site. They have his confidence shattered and he is so depressed. Someone there has been implying that if he does not succeed in the ROTC program, that makes him a failure, in all aspects of his life. He keeps saying what a lousy father and husband he is. I know this is coming from ROTC. (They also seem to feel that his difficulties at ROTC are because of marital problems. They wanted me to come in and talk... I refused, because then I WOULD give them a piece of my mind, which would not help Vince.)I'm really trying to be balanced and not take Vince's side and defend him, as I know there have been times he could have worked harder, done better, etc. I do not believe this is one of those times. The cadre keep telling him to ask for help, but then expect him to have the solution already figured out, so why ask for help? He is getting nothing but negative criticism from them. Could they throw him a freaking bone and say this is better than the last one, because it is?

I'm very worried about him. He seems so defeated, so downtrodden upon. I'm very unhappy at whomever is insinuating that if he fails at the ROTC program that makes him a bad husband and father. ROTC is school, family is family. If you have to be perfect in your entire life to be a good spouse/parent, we are ALL screwed. Hell, I've been fired twice. Does that fact alone make me a bad wife? I don't think so. I think that your job performance is a part of you as a spouse/ parent, but only as far as you are trying, providing for the needs, and that the job does not take over your life. ROTC has taken over his life. His other classes are suffering, again, because of the demands of ROTC.

I wish I could just make this easier on him, but I can't. He is so sad. He is staying up all hours trying to please them. I've been staying up too to try to help, and am exhausted. I'm also going through an insomnia phase right now. These happen to me, and I usually take an ambien for a couple of days to break the cycle. The problem with that is Sydney nurses all night. We are co-sleeping, and you really should not co-sleep and take sedatives. I'm too afraid I'll roll over and kill her to take an ambien. I took 5mg while pregnant, as I had an insomnia spell then. They did not drug me that bad, but I took 10mg while in the hospital when I was very upset and exhausted, and it drugged me up so much, I some how out both contact lenses in the same well.

I'm really worried about our vacation now. I'm worried Vince will not be able to relax and we will have a nightmare of a time. He wants to bring homework. I think he needs a complete get away. He will have 4 days after we get back to study.