Rock and a hard place.

Ok, some of you know me IRL. I work with some of you, and you are in our circle of friends.... I really don't want you to think that DH is a failure. Please don't judge him. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but please know he has worked very hard at being a success.

DH is likely not going to commission as an officer. It sounds as if his ROTC commander will not recommend him for commissioning. Basically it seems as if the past 2 years of ROTC hell are for nothing.

Why, you may ask? Sure there are things DH could have done to perhaps prevent this. Yes, he is not faultless in this. I'm not going to list his faults. However, who reading this is perfect?

DH did very well with the previous cadre. Then the cadre changed and the atmosphere changed. DH has struggled mightily to create a good impression with the cadre, and he failed. They have a very negative attitude toward him. He hears only negative, even when he is working so hard.

DH is trying to do well in his classes. He has been working very hard this semester, but the cadre are not seeing it.

So that is where we are. The catch is that we received a $500 a month stipend for the last year or so. It appears that the Army will want him to repay that amount by going on active duty for 2 years. They could require us to repay that $7000 ish, but from what I looked at online, it seems he will have to go active duty as an enlisted for 2 years.

Gasp. I am in shock. I did not know this fact.

I don't know what to do. I wish I knew what was going to happen. I don't relish the thought of repaying the $7000 but would much rather do that than uproot.

There is NO way we can make it on what DH's wages would be. NONE. I will still HAVE to work. I have a great job here with benefits, pension, stability. This place does not hire that often. If I leave, there is no guarantee they will have an opening when we come back. I have no guarantee of being able to get a decent job wherever we end up. I'm so worried. I don't want to move and job search. The whole reason we did this was for him to get an active OFFICER commission and me be able to stay home. That is not happening. Now it looks like we will have to move to wherever, and not have enough income, me have to work at whatever I can find. Then we come home, and hope to restart our lives, only I will have lost my job and career service standing?

I'm sickened by this turn of events. The thought of having no control and stuff this big being up in the air is killing me.

DH is so depressed. He is really beating him self up about this. There is such shame and guilt associated with this happening. I don't know how to help him. I don't know what to say. Everyone we know has been planning on him commissioning, and now it looks like he is not. How do we tell everyone?

I already know my mom will think I should stay here. She will think poorly of me if I follow him. I am worried she will give me a copy of 10 Stupid things women do to mess up their lives. She will say she followed a man and it was bad. She will say I am repeating her mistakes.

Am I?

I love DH very much, and I know that he loves me. He and I have been together through hell. We have been together for 8+years now. He was by my side both times I was fired from a post college job (one deserved, one not so deserved.) I owe him that, don't I? I don't want to be the fool, but I don't want to voluntarily live apart from DH for 2 years. That would be choosing my job over him. I don't want him to miss out on Sydney, and I don't want her to not have her father.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'll tell you, every time I tried to type years, I typed tears.