Gotcha Day

Today is our Gotcha day!!!

Celebrate!!!!

One year ago we ran out of the hospital and made it home WITH our DD. What a happy day that was. Such a very special day. If you are interested...

Here is the video link. Because I don't want youtube linking back to this site, remove the #### in the link so the link will work.

From when we roomed in...
http://www.youtube.com/####watch?v=l3FmZS2zjPA

Going home!
http://www.youtube.com/####watch?v=LFQCeQ0miYA

What a wonderful day that was. I look back at that video and snicker at times. Vince wondering if he should drive slow because we have the baby in the car. Me messing with the blanket and wrapping her up in it.... thing is, it was about 90 that day. She did not need a blanket. She barely needed clothing.

I bought her the duck dress she is wearing. It was a newborn size. I bought it on one of my OB approved shopping jaunts while on bed rest. I was sitting in one of those electric carts. My mom was there. She had bought Sydney a pink dress, but I told her I wanted to purchase the duck one. She said I had no need for it, since she bought the pink one. I told her I wanted the duck dress and was buying it. She wanted to know what for. I said I needed something cute to bring her home in. She said that's why she bought the pink dress, and acted a bit hurt. I thanked her for the pink dress, but said that Vince wanted me to get her a dress to wear home that he and I bought. Plus, the pink dress was a 0-3 months, and we already knew she was being born small. I said that I was hoping that a new born dress would fit... as you can see, it was still huge. In the end, I bought the dress, sweater, and a pair of duck booties. I wanted to get the really cute duck hat that matched but my mom talked me out of it.

BTW... both the duck dress and pink dress still fit. When I'm home I'll upload a picture of her very recently wearing the duck dress. She wore it to Vince's graduation.

Any ideas out there how to help Vince and Sydney bond? She is really clinging to me, and his feelings are getting hurt. He feels left out. She cooperates for me and won't for him. I try to suggest that he do more of her cares without hollering for me to help or getting frustrated. I suggest that he bathe her. He really won't do that. Any ideas?

Oh, I decided that Kristin is right and I took down the adjusted age ticker. A friend is watching Syd today as our DCP is on vacation, and she had not seen her in a while. When I opened the door with Syd on my hip, she said "She is huge." :)

Adjusted age

Friday was Syd's original due date.

I'm torn. I wonder if I should restart the adjusted age ticker or take it down. Developmentally she is pretty much on track. Size wise she is a tiny thing.

The tinyness is hard to deal with. That and the difference in her skin color and mine has gotted questions from strangers when we are out. I don't always feel the need to explain her whole history to the lady behind me in line.

Last week I read an article written by another mom of a biracial child. She decided her answer to "where did you get her?" is "My Uterus." That will be my answer from now on. This is one time I wish I had a vaginal birth, because I'd REALLY love the look on the strangers face when I would say "from my vagina." I love saying words that are not dirty words, but many people think they are. Oh well, I'll just stick to saying, my uterus. If they ask where she got that skin color from, so help me I just might say, "from my husband's sperm."

5 WHOLE POUNDS!!!

Yes. I lost 5 whole pounds in 9 days. I am amazed!

I feel better already. I am actually eating veggies... why because they are free. I have not had fast food in over a week. I feel so much better.

When I'm loosing weight, I can feel it. I don't have a way to describe it, but my skin fits better, looser. I feel softer. It is weird.

I am so very excited about this. If I keep the weight loss up, I'm not touching my nursing points, unless I plateau.

I find eating all the points I have hard. I have 32 now. It is REALLY hard to eat all that when you are trying to eat healthy. Funny.

Vince lost 6 pounds. He is doing very well. He is psycho nutso about tracking, like he thinks there will be a test. Oh well. I'm very happy at how well we have done.

After the weigh in, I went to Wal-Mart to get some things. I wanted to shout over and over, I lost 5 pounds, I lost 5 pounds.

New Ticker, New Goal, New Me?

Anyone else notice my new ticker? (Of course I saw it because I went and made it then pasted the code here. )

Vince and I started Weight Watchers yesterday. Yup, went to a meeting, paid the dues, stepped on a scale, and joined.

I'm not at my high weight, where I was the last time I started WW. However, I'm over a number I said I would never be over again... but only by 8 ounces., but I AM over that number. (It was my tampon, I swear.)

I do weigh more than I did the day I walked into the hospital to have Sydney. I do weigh much more than I should.

I am very committed. Yesterday for lunch I had a last Hurrah! I had a Crown Burger, fries and fry sauce. Very yummy. Very fattening. Very much a very rare treat from now on. (if ever) I looked at this like Mary Tyler Moore did when she went to the Betty Ford Clinic. I read in her autobiography that she got on the plane to go to the clinic sat down in first class, and was offered a drink... she figured one last chance to enjoy so she did and she showed up at the Betty Ford clinic very drunk. I showed up at the Weight Watchers meeting full from pastrami, cheese, and burger, but comitted and ready to make major life changes.

I was looking at pictures of me, and saw how heavy I am. I'm not happy at this weight. So I'm doing something about it.

I'm amazed at the number of points I'm allotted a day. Last time, I had 26 I think. This time, I have 36. GASP I'll never lose weight. I talked to the leader, and because I'm still nursing, but not nursing a baby that is only nursed, I removed 3 points, down to 33. I wanted to remove 6 points, cut the nursing points bonus in half (nursing moms get 12 points extra) but Vince thought that was too many. We will see, if I loose at 33 I'll stay there (although I lose a point when I lose a pound because of where my weight is). I just might drop down to 30 if I don't lose. I was impressed that the leader was supportive of nursing, and did not once ask if/why I was STILL nursing. Good for her.

For now, both Vince and I are doing flex, the plan where you count points. At some future time, we may switch over to core, once we are used to eating better and not so much.

We went to the meeting together yesterday. My sister was around and watched Syd. I want to be able to go with him all the time, but am unsure if that will happen... remember that letter I wrote a while ago? I'm calling her next and see about a night meeting where children are welcome. I know Vince will be more comfortable if I'm there with him in the meetings, at least at first. When we were getting the paperwork done, a regular member meeting ended. 3 men walked out, and about 45 women. One staff member there was a male... funny he did my weigh in, and a woman did Vince's.

So we are off and running (counting). As you can see from my ticker, I have plenty to lose.

My motivations for weight loss... the leader encouraged us to put it in writing...

• I want to look better.
• I want to be able to wear more fashionable clothing.
• I want to be able to wear cute clothing found on the clearance rack.
• I want to be healthier.
• I want to feel better in my skin.
• I don't want roller coaster rides to be tight on my hips.
• I want my seat belt to fit better.
• I don't want movie seats to be tight anymore.
• I want to live longer.
• I want to eat healthier.
• I want to eat less process and fast foods.
• I don't ever want to read that "maternal habitus" (read: my fat) interfered with a ultrasound ever again.
• I want to be able to run with Sydney.
• I don't want to ever worry I won't fit into the MRI machine.

At some point in the future, once I've lost a bunch of weight, I want to try to have another baby. I want that pregnancy to be healthier than Sydney's. I can't control the IUGR, placental stuff, but I can control my weight. Somehow I avoided gestational diabetes, hypertension, and pre-eclampsia, all of which weight makes much worse.

I'm done being fat. Last time when I reached this point emotionally, it was when I realized that the fat was costing me a baby. I lost 35 pounds, and got pregnant the first cycle. I firmly believe that the weight loss let my hormones get normal enough to get pregnant. I think that next time with even less extra weight hanging around, I could have an easier or healthier pregnancy without all that weight messing with the hormones.

Last time the fat was costing me a baby. This time it could cost me being able to raise my baby, and that is just too high a price to pay for Twinkies and cookies.

UGGGGG My MIL

I'll start off with something pleasant... pictures of Sydney on our vacation.







Now onto my rant....

So the MIL has been whining that we don't come around... again. So we went over tonight.

Some things to note as you read:

1. It is summer here. On the way home, the sign at a bank said 82 degrees Fahrenheit.


2. Sydney is an independent gal. She HATES socks.


3. Typical attire here in the summer is shorts and flip flops.

When MIL gets home, she starts in about the fact that Sydney did not have socks on. I was wearing flip flops, basically I HATE wearing socks when the temperature is above 75. I mentioned this and that Sydney just takes them off and looses them, so why bother. MIL said "Because her feet get dirty". So I'm to stain treat socks that get lost anyway so I don't have to give Sydney's feet an extra scrub in her bath? I thought skin washes.

Then MIL starts in on Sydney's knees. She said that if I had pants on her, her knees would not be getting dark. UGGGG So I have to have a ton of pants with holes in the knees so her knees don't get dirty... plus the fact that it is hot and I don't want her to be uncomfortable? WTH?

What I'd like to say to MIL is maybe you should mop your floors once in a while. She has all tile floors and Sydney's feet were FILTHY when we got home. Wanna see?

Yes, that is all from her being at my MIL's house and crawling on the floor. YUCK.

If you can tell, I'm much more upset about her questioning my mothering, once again. I cannot please that woman.

DH has a bad habit of putting people on speaker phone. He did this last week when we were en route to our camping trip. MIL told him she did not know how to make me happy, nothing pleased me. I held my tongue. I asked Vince what she wanted. At Sydney's birthday, I thought I welcomed them and that I told them how much I liked and appreciated Sydney's present. I mean I did not clap and jump for joy, but that would have been over the top for diapers, pj's and socks, really. I don't know how to please her, and frankly I'm done trying. I'll be polite and that is about it. I can't stand her, and if DH did not love her I'd have nothing to do with her.

She was complaining about the pictures of Sydney she has. She wants me to make more. She was complaining about the top of Sydney's head being chopped off on one... I moved it around in the frame, problem solved. She has never paid for a single picture. She demanded several from our wedding, which my mother paid for. She demanded a copy of the wedding video, which I paid for. She got angry when I handed her the order form and price sheet for the wedding photographer. I don't think she bought one. She helped herself to so many pictures of Sydney that my brother used his employee points to buy, that I had to buy more for me and my mom, and for my brother... and we bought a lot. She demanded but did not pay a cent for 10 graduation announcements for my husband's graduation. Money was VERY tight, and I skipped lunch twice to cover this.

This is the woman who went ballistic during my c-section, and has yet to apologize. This is the woman who got up in arms when she learned grandparents could visit at will, and she demanded her own bracelet (the golden ticket into the NICU) and then came ONCE to see Sydney, when we were there. She visited Sydney twice when Sydney was in the hospital. TWICE. My mom went almost daily during the week. Some sibling or other came to see me during the weekend. I had friends that came and saw Sydney more than MIL. She is so frustrating.

Since you have listened to my whine, here are some very cute pictures of my darling baby.

Tonight...

Home all day

So I felt like utter crap today, so I stayed home. Not that I have loads of leave to cover this, but I'll survive. My sinus are hurting and I ache, basically I just did not want to go to work.

Maybe I'll work 9s or 10s to cover today the rest of the week... that would be something to see.

So I'm up here typing thinking I'm not being a neglectful mommy. Sydney was napping on the living room floor. I'm thinking she can't fall off that, I covered her with a blanket, all is well riiiiiight? HA, Sydney is smarter than her mommy.

See Sydney is a mobile baby. She can crawl very well. She pulls her self up very well. She can climb on the couch. She can climb the stairs.

I hear a little happy Sydney noise and go check on it. Seems she mastered the makeshift baby gate I made at the bottom of the stairs of purses and bags and was climbing the stairs. She was silent as she did this. I caught her halfway up the second flight of stairs. (We live in a split level home.) She was chasing the cats, her new favorite past time, and their least favorite thing to do. She yelled "Cat" which is when I got up and found her on the stairs.

She and Thomas, our grey cat, are having problems. Last night I let her crawl into the kitchen and was listening in the living room. I heard her laughing and went to investigate. She and Thomas were under the table, and he was hissing and swatting at her. I grabbed her and yelled at him. She thought this was all very funny. She got a small scratch on her face, we have been putting neosporin on it. Vince cut Thomas' nails, and now we are super watchful. Salem and Tigger are very tolerant and actually seem to like Sydney, but Thomas does not. If this keeps up and we don't work something out, Thomas will get a new home in short order. I love my animals, but I can't have an animal endangering a human member of my family, much less my baby. We told them that Sydney was our kitten, and Salem and Tigger seem to understand, Thomas does not. We are trying to help him have a better life, by paying more attention to him and playing ball with him. He loves to play fetch.

Everything is a cat. Dogs, people food, etc. All are cat. She loves saying cat. She says Mama and dada, but I don't think those words have meaning yet, but Cat has meaning. She makes a lot of noise and talks a lot.

She is starting to reject baby food. Today I fed her re-fried beans for lunch. She loved them. I think baby food is too bland. I put some enchilada sauce on the beans and she ate them up. She drinks from straws. We give her 8 ounces of Pediasure daily, and sometime she takes it very easily and sometimes not. We are trying to help her maintain weight gain, as she is slowing down on her eating as a whole.

She has cut a canine tooth on the top. No front teeth, just a canine tooth. It looks a bit odd with the two bottom teeth and a canine tooth poking through.

She weighed 13 pounds 9 ounces when we took her in for her year check up and shots. Poor baby really knows what those are. She starts to cry once she sees the syringe.

She is into everything. She climbs and looks. She loves watching and grabbing things out of the printer, which is on a low shelf... I think it may be getting a new home very soon. Pulling DVD's off the shelf is a very fun game.

Sometimes she acts like a very "big" girl and is very independent. Sometimes she still acts very much like a baby, and curls up in my lap in a little ball and nurses. She is growing up so fast. Yesterday she wanted me to hold her against my chest like I did in the NICU, and she was nearly too long. I remember how small she was all swaddled on my chest I would hold her like that for as long as they would let me. Sometimes the staff would leave us alone like that for hours, sometimes they would bug us after half an hour. I remember one day when I was snuggling her on my chest, a nurse told me she had to go back into her bed so the doctor could examine her as the doctor was on rounds. He heard this and told the nurse that my cuddling Sydney was very important and to leave us alone. So she did, and I held Sydney for a very long time that morning. I only put her back because I REALLY had to pee.

I'm so very proud of my tiny big baby. I can't imagine where a year went.

Shameless Wicked Video

I LOVE this play. I found this video of the two talented actors I was able to see when I saw the play in LA. When I saw the play, I cried nearly the entire way though this song and to the end of the play. It was so very moving. More Wicked commentary to come.

On Fleas and Ticks

A blog that I was a regular reader and commenter on has been self imploded... Drfleablog is no more.

Flea had been blogging about his current ongoing malpractice trial. I found him very interesting and stimulating reading. He posted several very well written and researched posts about vaccines and why they are not the destructive force that the anti-vaxers claim they are. Is is silly of me to say that reading his vax series is one of the reasons that Syd is vaxed? I hope not, because the articles were just what I needed to counteract some of the very false and misleading information I was getting from the anti-vax foes.

Flea was outed at his trial. The case settled. He was then outed on a front page above the fold article in the Boston Globe.

I feel very sorry for Flea. I've read on other blogs that patients are leaving his practice. From previous posts, he was not doing all that well in his practice because of a lack of patients. Other legal bloggers are wondering if his malpractice carrier will stick with him, as they may consider some of his posts hindering his defense. I enjoyed Flea as a blogger. Looking at his picture and the articles on his practice's web site, he seems like a doctor I would like to have. It is sad to see a situation where someone you "knew" life seems to be imploding.

I'm learning from the Flea. I'll talk very little and in VERY vague terms about my clients and employment. Over the next while, I'll be editing posts as I feel needed.