Maybe if I got a tan....

Ok, this is try two because my browser crashed. I’ll blog about Microsoft some other day. I’ll also do a better job of updating this on a more regular basis.

Dh asked what I was going to do with what I write. I’ll compile them and write a book called Misadventures in Child Welfare, and publish it under the name Jane Doh. (like what Homer Simpson says). I use sarcasm liberally in this blog entry.

So today, I have a meeting with a client. She is a royal bitch. Everything is someone else’s fault, nothing is her fault. She has someone to blame for everything. She has a huge chip on her against the world. I am her second worker. She was so horrible to her last worker, that she got a new worker. Her children are in foster care. I am amazed at how this mean, nasty and angry woman managed to raise such wonderful, kind, and caring children as she has. (except for the one which is a clone of her mother.) Even her oldest son, who has a drug problem and a criminal record is a really good kid and is working really hard at his treatment program.

The meeting today was about why she was not having unsupervised visits. Why does she not have unsupervised visits you ask? Lets see….
1) She has supposedly completed anger management, but I’ve had to hang up on her several times because she has flown off the handle and is yelling and screaming at me.
2) I don’t trust her to not emotionally abuse her children, or berate them. She has a trigger hair temper, and can just blow up. If she can’t manage to not yell and scream at me or the therapist, how can I trust her to manage herself with her mouthy daughter, mild mannered son, or very curious daughter?
3) She is continuing to violate a no contact order.
4)I don’t trust her to not sabotage the working relationship I have worked hard to create with her children.

I tried to explain the reasons I was not comfortable with unsupervised visits. I tried to push part of the blame for the lack of the change onto the Guardian as Litem, the children’s lawyer. Sorry, but that is how the system works. If I’m not comfortable, I can bet you a million dollars the GAL will not be either.
So this is a super productive and positive meeting. At one point, I threatened to leave. I can usually take notes on my PDA, and participate in the meeting, but not this one. I gave up and turned on the recorder on my PDA, which recorded until it ran out of memory. My PDA is now having serious problems working which I will hopefully resolve when I sync it tomorrow.

The mom threatens (not in these words, but it is understood) to give up if she does not get her way. That’s a great way to give it to the child welfare system. Fuck your service plan and give up and ensure your kids stay in foster care. Yup that will show DCFS. She also is hinting she’ll get her oldest son to give up.
She has complaints about everything. She twists everything around, and the accuses me of twisting, not being truthful, or hiding the facts. She is a MASTER manipulator. I have a sex offending teen who wants to be just like her. Yeah.

One thing I have failed to mention at this point is that the entire family is Native American. They are members of one of the largest tribes.

At this point, her sister pipes up. She asks why they don’t have a Native American caseworker. OH, Pick me (hand waving in the air.) Because DCFS keeps them locked in a closet? Because the state of Utah is full of Racist pigs? Or is it because we don’t have a Native American caseworker? Ding, Ding Ding, you win what is behind door number two!!!

So they then proceed to tell me that the children won’t tell me anything because I am white. They don’t trust Whitey. (their words.) The sister said that if I was black or even if I had darker skin, I would work better. She was using her hands on her arms like she was rubbing lotion on her arms, maybe suggesting I use a self tanner? Well, then I’ll just go figure out a way to change my DNA to suit you. I tried to explain to them that race is not taken into account when assigning cases. They thought that was interesting, and wrote it down to use against me. They also wrote down that I have cases of different backgrounds on my caseload. She again wrote this down to use against me. I did not tell them that cases are usually assigned to the worker with the least cases and I was assigned her case because the manager flattered me into saying how I can handle the hard cases.

So now, they want a new caseworker, because I am a racist just because I am white. For the record, I am very pale skinned. I’m of Irish descent. If it helps, whenever I procreate, my children will have darker skin because DH is Mexican…. (I did not mention this.) The sister said that the children were afraid and would not trust Whitey. They are telling the mother all sorts of horror stories about the foster home. As a result of the mother’s request, I had a child protection worker conduct full child protection interviews on the children. They disclosed absolutely NOTHING. I pointed this out to the mother, and even that they did not appear scared, and that one of them got out her new Hilary Duff CD and pointed out her favorite songs and showed off her new purse. Scared kids say not a thing, they don't just get out CD’s and talk Hilary Duff with the interviewer. They said they are not going to sit and cower in front of Whitey, they act strong. Basically, they said this 12 year old is aware of race enough to be afraid and cover it? Only if they are carefully taught. I asked them who taught them to have distrust of whites. OF course there was no answer to that one. They said it is their way. Nice, so racism is ok. Great thing to teach your children. Teach them to fear and hate a good part of the population because of the color of their skin. Great. Don’t trust the white man, that was also said. She must have a blast at court, where everyone is white. She does live in one of the least diverse counties in Utah, so what does she expect?

One more thing, the mother asked if I have children. Ummm, I’m smarter than to answer that question. I said that we are here to talk about her and her family, not about my life. She keep on with this, and I again said my standard response when I feel this info will be used against me. She assumed that I have no children. I stated that is not what I said. She then said that the last worker said she doesn’t have children, she has 3 cats. (Well so do I, so that is the problem.) She then spread her legs and used her hands to mimic a child coming out of her and said that if I have not felt them come from my body, I have no idea. She asked how I would feel having my children ripped from me. I said that if I have children or not, I don’t know what it feels like to have my children in foster care, so I would never say I know what that feels like. She said that if I don’t have children, I have no business working in child welfare. So she wants my employer to discriminate too? She threatened to call the tribe and have them take over. FINE, let them have her. I adore the children, but the tribe can have the mom.

Imagine if I had said that I could not work with them because they are Native American? I’d get fired. Even if I was the client and she was the worker, it would be awful to say that I could not work with a Native American worker. Why is it ok for them to be blatantly racist, and not a white person? Why can they request a new worker based on race, when as an unwritten rule white racists get assigned a worker of color, (or me a race traitor as I have been called)? What the Fuck is this Shit? A co-worker has a case where they are refugees, are we supposed to find a refugee to be their caseworker? Utah is SO diverse, that should not be a problem. Right.

So, because I’m not a Native American or a mother I am worthless to them. Sure, my people were not driven off my ancestral lands, but neither was this mother. This happened to her ancestors, not her. My people were persecuted, had an extermination order signed against them, and had to flee across America to Utah for peace, but she has the monopoly on this one. I am white, but since I acquired a Hispanic last name, I have noticed a difference between how I am treated. I get ID’d tons more, etc. Am I discriminated against, not usually, but it exists.

Why does skin color mean that much? You can’t help it, get over it. I can’t change my color, and would not want to as much as they can’t change their color or would not want to. I may not know what it is like to have my children come into foster care, but I have grieved over the fact I have no children. Do all rape counselors have to be rape victims to be successful? No. How about sex offender treatment? Does the therapist need to be a sex offender to treat an offender? Horse shit.

As much as my dad was a lousy dad, he taught me to not see color and to respect people on who they are, not what they look like. Maybe since he taught me that, he was a fairly successful dad.