Phone Call

Yesterday Vince was finally able to call me after being in the field for 10 days. He was not able to have access to a phone while in the field.

Only problem is I left my cell phone in the car.

I missed 6 phone call attempts from him.

When I realized this, I was nearly sick. We have not talked for so long. I want to hear his voice and know he is ok. I wanted to be able to connect with him, help him focus, cheer him up, etc.

It is very hard for me to put into words what I get from a call when he is away. I can hear his voice, a voice that my soul longs to hear. I get to re-affirm, without even talking about this, that he is mine, and I am his. It’s not about me checking up on him, or anything like that. It is a deeper soul connection. It is a way to re-affirm we are ok, loving each other, and still missing the other. It’s more than hearing how his day was. It’s about love and all the simple, soundless ways that lovers express their desire for their lover. Sometimes the calls have a sexual flavor to them, but what is expressed in the calls is much deeper and meaningful than a sexual bond.

So later on that evening, my mom asked me if Vince called. She knew I was expecting a phone call from him. I told her that he called several times while I had left my phone in the car. She knew this, as she had tried to reach me during that time.

She told me “Don’t be upset.” I told her “Don’t”.

I am sure she is referring to her frame of reference. If this had happened, my dad would be furious. Especially once my mom had a cell, she was expected to answer his calls. When he was gone, he would get mad if he called and no one was home. He refused to set a time to call, so there were times we missed out on movies, etc because we were waiting for him to call.

Vince is not like that. I was disappointed I missed his call, not afraid he would be mad. I wanted to reconnect with him. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him how good Sydney is doing, and to let him hear her. I just wanted to talk to my husband, and based on the 6 missed calls, he wanted to talk to me too.

My question for her is Don’t what?” Don’t miss him? Don’t be sad he is gone? Don’t miss my life with him? Don’t be sad I had a chance to provide him some love and support and I missed it because I left my damn cell phone in the car?

Thing is, my marriage and hers was very different, and she forgets that. I like my life, she was miserable for years.

About 2 years after Vince and I got married, we hit a rough patch. This coincided with the time that my mom and dad separated. She more than once told me I should just move home. After the first time, I stopped talking to her about what was going on. Of course, she took that to mean that Vince had threatened me or something like that, and one incident brought this to a crescendo. It was winter. I had locked my keys into the house. I was late for work. My coat was in the house. I was cold, and all I had was my cell phone. Vince and I had fought a lot about the locks on the door. I felt that the stupid lock on the knob did nothing, but lock people out. He felt that every lock needed to be locked. I’m not talking about the deadbolt, but the little flip lock on the doorknob. Vince was in class, and was not answering. I called my mom, and the story came out in sobs, because I was already emotionally raw because of the stressful morning, being late for work, and being out in a snowstorm. Basically, she came over, helped me break in, and then insisted that I leave Vince right then. I believe she was trying to help, in her own way. She said that my dad used her misunderstood belief that her parents would not let her come back home if the marriage did not work as a tool to keep her in the abusive marriage. I also believe, through therapy, that she was also looking for someone to be single with, to help her out, and to jointly hate our ex husbands.

I did not leave Vince. I don’t know how I maintained the backbone to date him, marry him, and stay with him. She did not approve of him when we started dating. It was hard. As you all have read, I have a hard time standing up to her. I usually deal with her controlling ways by having distance between us. When Vince and I were dating, I lived at her home. Having the courage to remain true to what makes my life happy, namely having Vince in my life, is one of my proudest achievements.

Vince did call me back. He had very little time to talk because of lights out. It was wonderful to hear his voice. He sounded very tired. He got poison ivy on his face. He got satisfactory reviews on his performance. He got along with the others. He just wants to come home. He gets his cell phone back on Wednesday, and comes home on Saturday. If anyone was to hear our conversation, they would not be able to hear how important the call was, as nothing life shattering was discussed. He heard Sydney make some baby noises, and talked to her a little bit.

I was able to tell him about Sydney. At her weight check yesterday, she weighed 6 pounds .5 ounces!!! She gained 10 ounces in 2 weeks. She is on track developmentally with her chronological age, not her adjusted age. She stays on the apnea monitor because she has had recent apnea spells. The pediatrician is not concerned about this.

Anyway, I was upset I missed his call. When he called back, it was several hours after I had missed his calls. I was sure he would not call again that night. He did call, and it was so nice to talk to him. 4 more days.