Today I went to visit a client at her job site, a national chain craft store. While there, I browsed the scrapbooking supplies, as I'm ALWAYS in the market, especially for military scrapbooking supplies.
Looking around, there were stickers for everything. I saw one with terms on it for expectant moms. It had several word phrases on it. These included the following:
- Overdue
- Labor Pains
- Contractions
- What a belly!
- Where are my feet?
- Ultrasound!
This just made me sad. I feel I missed out. I barely showed. I could always find my feet. I never felt a contraction. I did not labor. Ultrasounds were not fun, they were stressful and worrysome. I did not go overdue.
Sigh.
It just hit me for what I missed. I should be grateful blah, blah, blah. Today I'm sad. I know there are people a lot worse than me, and I'm having a pity party. Oh well.
It is hard to put my feelings about this into words. I'm still grieving. That is a hard thing to admit as I have a daughter, alive and healthy. Why can't I just be glad for that and move on? I just feel stuck. It's hard to realize how close we came to losing someone who is so much an integral part of my life. I cannot imagine life without her. It takes my breath away how much I love her.
For a couple of pictures of Sydney, please visit DawnJuan's blog, linked to the left....
1 comment:
I totally understand. I had my son at 31 weeks via e-emerg. c-section Feb.3, 2006. It was a year ago today my pregnancy "hit the skids" and I find myself so sad. (which is probably how I found myself on your site...searching the web, looking for anything on "placental abruption.") He's perfectly healthy and such a joy. But I totally identify with the grief you are feeling.
No one can understand unless they have gone through it themselves.
And I am so tired of the "militant moms" preaching "natural childbirth" and "letting your body do what it was designed to." Argh...its easy to have such strong convictions when you haven't been faced with our situations.
Anyways, enough ranting...I just wanted to say you are not alone...I 100% understand.
Take care;
Nic
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