And so it goes

Where we are today....

At my doctor's appointment on Thursday, here is what we learned......

1. Sydney is now measuring 3.5 weeks behind, up from measuring 4 weeks behind. She did grow this last week.
2. Sydney hates ultrasounds. Seriously, they get out the wand, and she really starts moving.
3. I do not have gestational diabetes. My blood pressure (a really big concern) is fine. I am not anemic.
4. My amniotic fluid is normal as well.
5. Cervix is closed.

However, serious concerns exist. Basically, I'm being admitted to the hospital next Thursday, or Friday at the latest. I'll be on a WHOLE lot of monitoring, and even more bed rest. I'm still on partial bed rest this week. I have a week to tie up the lose ends at work. If things go WELL, I hopefully will be in the hospital 6-8 weeks. However, I could have her on Friday, or any time after that. I'm 25 weeks, 2 days today. She is still not 500 grams.

What Dr Calm, my OB says is that the decision to give me the steroid shots is a complicated one. They wear off, and they can't give me another dose when they wear off. She also said that babies born small for gestational weight actually do better in the NICU than correct sized babies, because their systems are already used to stress. When the human body gets stressed, it protects the brain, heart and lungs. We bay be surprised to see her lungs are very developed. There is a protective factor for IUGR babies that is not understood, but it continues to protect their brains.

So Tuesday, I go see Trista's Dr Blue Eyes for a second opinion. Dr. Calm saw me filling out the forms, and I started to feel bad about wanting one. She said that she is from back East, and people do second and third opinions there all the time. She does not know why people here don't do them as often. She did warn me not to be surprised if Doctor Blue Eyes tells me the same information. I told her I won't be, I just want to have another set of eyes on the problem. I am to have Doctor Blue Eyes call Dr Calm on Tuesday. It is likely that Dr Blue Eyes, Dr Calm and Dr Malpractice * will pow wow Thursday. I then see the perinatologist on Thursday. If he does not put me in the hospital on Thursday, Julia will be doing that on Friday when I go see her. She will allow me to have Vince bring my pets to visit me outside the hospital. I also get to decorate my room. I'm thinking spray paint. (joke)

So I told my supervisor this on Friday. I gave her the doctor's note, and will give her the rest of the FMLA paperwork on Monday. She did not seem thrilled. Oh well. I don't give a shit right now. Right now, Sydney needs her mom more than anything. Sydney needs her mom to be taken care of and not stressed. One of my co-workers pointed out, what will matter most in 20 years. The answer is a no-brain-er. I need to rest, be monitored, and be available for Sydney. Nothing else matters. I have 10 weeks of leave right now. I'll earn another before I run out. They passed the FMLA laws for a reason. I feel bad about my cases going to my already overburdened co-workers, but I cannot help that. I did not create the situation where there is a shortage of caseworkers, management did. I removed a kid on Friday, making my caseload 23. Another child on my caseload will likely be removed on Thursday, making my caseload 24. That is a LOT to disperse, but frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. Sydney is more important than much else right now.

I am a bit frustrated with the hospital. I've been trying to arrange a tour for a week now. My call got returned on Friday, and no one called me back. I have a lot of questions for them, which I would like answered. Some of them are...

1. Is there Wi-Fi? If not, how will I have internet access? (I just can't be cut off if I am laying there for weeks.)
2. I'm bringing an Xbox. Do I need to bring the adaptor?
3. What is the food like?
4. Can I leave for a while during the day, or am I here for good?
5. Other assorted hospital questions.

I wish they had called me back.

Also, Vince is frustrating me. I ask him to do something for me, and half an hour later he does it. Example, I asked him to put my favorite XBox game in before he left to run errands. He said that since he just put on lotion, he should wait. I got upset and asked him to just do it. He got all mad and did it, then stomped off. I know he is stressed, but to get me up is a major production. Tables and pillows have to be moved, plus it hurts. Grrrr. He's been like that all day. His mom then my family came over to clean up our home. He was a real bear the whole time. I know he likes his privacy, but we need the help, because he is not doing anything and I can't. I've tried thanking him, being extra nice to him, paying attention to him, letting him watch what he wants, etc, but he is just being really cranky.

Thanks for all the prayers, positive thoughts, etc. They are helping a lot, and I feel the strength being sent to me.

* While googling VBAC, I came across the fact that the Perinatologist I like the best, is on the board of the largest malpractice insurer for Utah. Oddly, he seemed to be the only perinatologist NOT practicing lawsuit avoidance medicine. I've named him Doctor Malpratice, not because I think he is a bad doctor, but because of his position on a board all about avoiding lawsuits.