Just thought I'd post that.
I'm really struggling here. Vince is under huge ROTC stress and hates his graveyard shify job.
Sydney is on a very screwed up sleep cycle. She thinks playtime starts at 1. Now this would be ok if I did not have to go to work, but I do.
Last night I got so little sleep, I'm a zombie. When Vince comes back from PT he is taking her to day care and I'm calling in sick. I'll go in at about 1. I'm dead tired now and very close to loosing it with Sydney.
She is currently downstairs watching TV.
I totally suck as a mom. If she won't nurse to sleep I don't know how to put her to sleep, a fact my mom made clear yesterday.
With Vince and Syd I feel like I give and give and give and am getting little back from Vince. Syd gives with her happy laughs and smiles.
I'm burned out at ROTC. I want to scream whenever Vince mentions it. He needs to process I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. I WANT TO TELL HIM TO STFU and NEVER MENTION HIS COMMANDER OR THAT DAMN PROGRAM AGAIN. This ends Wednesday one way or the other. I'll be glad for Vince's anxiety to come down to the point where he can maybe rejoin the labor force in our home. I'm just DONE. IF he gets a comission, I have to go play nice to those assholes on Friday. Joy.
She is crying right now, and I CAN'T go. I'm in control now, but I'm close to losing it. I want her to go to sleep damn it. I can REALLY easily see how child abuse happens when parents get to the end of their rope. I've done nothing but I've sure thought of it.
Tomorrow we start her sleeping in a crib. I'm getting the pack and play out of my car as well so I have somewhere to put her that she can't escape. I love her so much I don't want anything to happen, but I am done.
I'm to the point where we will be doing CIO. I hate it but I need her to go to sleep and stay that way. I love her so much. I'm so torn. The crap at the so called mothering website I chill at is no help. Most mothers post like me. I'm so tired blah blah blah. Yeah, I'm tired and I'm done being a martyr for a cause. I need sleep.
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6 comments:
I'm sorry, Wendy. Sleep issues are tough on everyone. We did CIO with Katie a few weeks after we transitioned her to the crib and it worked fairly well.
One suggestion perhaps (and you can tell me to STFU) is to give her some time getting used to the crib before trying CIO. Doing both at once might be too much for her.
I hope that you start getting some sleep soon and I'm sorry that you're not feeling like you're getting much support right now. I can totally relate. ((hugs))
Mandy,
Thanks for the kind words. At this point, there is no telling anyone to STFU because I feel so clueless and impotent about how to do this. I'm honestly feeling like I've been on a high horse about this... I remember posting something to that effect on your blog, sorry, and I've been knocked off by pure exhaustion, anger, and despair.
I just want her to sleep, but realize that I have made a desperate mess here and there are no easy answers.
Actually, we will start this fresh. I am giving Syd baby cold medicine so we can both get some sleep tonight and start fresh tomorrow.
Thanks for the ideas as well. I'm going to see how it goes. I've read to do both, and I've read to do one at a time.
I think the person you need to tell to STFU is your mother. If you haven't done that yet, my hat's off to you!! (And you are free to tell me to STFU as well!) I haven't been there, so I certainly don't know what to tell you. But I'll say extra prayers for you. ((hugs)0
Faith
Faith, I agree with you.
Thanks.
I wish I had the courage to tell her where to shove it.
ack! your blog wasn't showing up on my google reader and I've missed a bunch of posts.
Anyway, I'm sorry sleep issues are so hard right now. :( Right now we're in a good place with Sydney but we've had some really bad patches too. Sigh.
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