Another day, another ounce.

Sydney continues to do great. She is doing quite well managing her temperature, and they MAY be looking to wean her from the isolette sometime this week.

Her weight yesterday was 2 pounds 15.8 ounces. SO close to 3 pounds. Hopefully she will hit this weight today. She has been a lot more active and alert lately, I am hopeful that the minimum stimulation protocol will come down. Of course, I'll let her sleep and rest. However yesterday, I had to put her back wide awake. She and I looked at each other through the plastic of her isolette. She did not want to be put back, she wanted to be held. I made faces at her and talked to her until she calmed down and slept. She set a new record for ccs eaten by mouth... 20ccs.

Saw Dr. Calm today. I'm cleared to go back to work on Tuesday, part time. Part of me is dreading going back, and part of me is very excited. The placenta report is back, it was full of infarcts and calcification's. I need to get a copy of this, I just forgot to ask. She said that seeing this, she thinks we had days on the placenta, so the correct decision to deliver was made. I showed her and the staff pictures of Syd, and it was a little sad because they know me because I was ALWAYS there, and I'm there no longer pregnant with no baby. Hopefully when I go back in 4 weeks, Syd will come too. My incision is healing nicely. Some things are still hard, like scooting in a bench at a restaurant or turning over in bed. She had to help me up off the examining table. She pointed out that both Sydney and I are healthy, and alive. After hearing about the placenta, without good medical care, it could have easily turned out much worse for either or both of us.

I'm also guilty over the fact that I have to go back, and that I am looking forward to this. I went to a staff meeting this week. It felt so nice to feel competent, educated, and wanted. I question myself a lot about what I'm doing, etc in the NICU, so it felt nice to know that I know the game and the score. It also was "nice" to be back in the old grind which I know and am familiar with. Same DCFS BS, different day. I felt like I was not being second guessed. I feel that going back will not only stretch my leave out, and it will give me some structure and objective to my days while I wait for her to come home. However, after staff meeting, I was talking to a friend on the phone en route to the hospital. I started crying really hard and had to pull over. Bad thing is that here in Utah, they love to dig up perfectly good roads, so I had to wait for a safety pullout and then pull over. Being in the safety pull out scared me as there is barely enough room to get your car out of traffic and then you are pinned in by traffic on one side and then cement barriers on the other. It got my crying under control pretty quick because I decided I'd like to get out of the pullout and live. Getting out of the pullout was a task and and a half. I had to get a really big opening, as there is no room to build up speed to merge.

Any of the other NICU moms out there experienced the urge to strangle someone who seems to think because you don't have a new baby at home you are well rested and lucky? Yeah try sleeping when your little one is in the care of strangers. Add to that the JOY of pumping, then trying to fall back asleep again. Yeah, it is much easier to have to shower, eat, get dressed, and drive to see your baby than go to the cradle. Some people just fail to think. I'm guilty of this at times too.

My mom finally checked out Sydney's blog. She thinks I may had put things that are very personal on there. HAH!!! What would she think if she saw this blog? I have concealed this blog from her very carefully. I'm still working on Sydney's blog. I really want to get this finished by Monday. This is because I have printed up her birth announcements with the blog address on them, and better have it current when everyone gets their announcements. :)

Speaking of this, if you would like an announcement, please email me privately, and I'll send you one, as long as I don't think you are a freak. So far this has been a freak free blog, except for the writer of the blog, so let me know.

The NICU and the pumping is draining. I really just want her to come home. I'm getting better with being more assertive and proactive.

Two nights ago, the nurse on that night was not supposed to be Sydney's nurse. The nurse was the nurse that upset me so much on Mother's day. We learned of this by seeing her do something in Sydney's isolette. Vince talked to the charge nurse about this, and it seems that there was no other nurse available. The nurse was on her BEST behavior, and we could tell she was nervous. It turned out ok, and we ended up doing some small talk about the dang road construction. Even so, I mentioned to the charge nurse that a phone call to let us know about this would have been appreciated. I could have got my anger, nerves, temper tantrum out at home, not having to face this in the hall after scrubbing. This turned out ok, but was not a surprise I wanted to see. I think a phone call could have saved a lot of problems. I mean when I saw her and Vince told me she was the nurse, I very nearly left. The only thing that kept me there was that I had to deal with that woman if I wanted to see my daughter. My desire to see Sydney was stronger than my desire to not interact with her.

So my dad is being weird. He appears to be trying to prove what a great grandpa he is. My mom has an arm band (the magic key to getting to Sydney.) and goes and feeds her at 3pm every day. My dad learned about my mom's arm band and wanted one. What do I say? I don't want to lie, but I also don't want him in there talking guns or business deals with Iran that did not go through. I authorized one for him, but he does not get to hold her. Simply put, since we are only allowed so many holdings a day, I can't spare any more of them. My mom started going to see Sydney a lot when I could not. She works by the hospital, so I don't mind, and I can't always be there. So he gets to go see her, it won't hurt her and will make him feel better. I did tell him that he needs to let me know when he is going, so we can plan for this. I also told him that if he shows up without telling us and we are there, we are not ending our visit. (They only allow 2 visitors at a time.) I told him that my mom has 3 claimed, and that Vince and I go at 9am and 9pm, but we may change our minds at other times. I was not trying to be rude or anything, just trying to set some boundaries and expectations.

MIL issues are still stewing. I'll explain tomorrow, but suffice it to say, I am livid about how she has been acting lately. She is being very cruel to my husband, and she seems to think everything is ok.

Anyway, each gram she gains is closer to her coming home. Each time she eats from her bottle more and more, she is closer to coming home. Tomorrow is her 2 week birthday, and each day that passes is one day closer to her being home.