Chat about my mom.....

Been having problems with my mom. I chated with Danielle about this, and here it is. I even left the spelling errors intact.


WendyLou says:
I know you are away, but my blog is down, and I need to vent about my mom.'
WendyLou says:
Anyway, she has been getting VERY pushy lately. I am a strong person, with my own will, why am i just caving to her, I don't know.
WendyLou says:
After lecturing me for about half an hour with the sun in my face, for which I got a sunburn about how to have a successful marraige and bring home the baby and not destroy it, she then drops the bomb that I know. Vince is gone the whole month of July. I had planned to have the whole month off, but because of the bed rest, I won't. Oh BTW, Her marraige was a stunning success. Let me tell you.
WendyLou says:
Anyway, basically, I should stop expecting Vince to do ANYTHING aound the house, and the baby is mostly my responsibility until she gets interesting. I should not expect him to RST the drill the weekend after we think she will be born. I should not expect him to pick up the damn living room or get up with the baby too much? Why the hell am I married then, for the sex???????
WendyLou says:
Anyway, she is bashing my MIL because when my MIL was over here under extreme exaustion, she questioned my choice of diapers. She says my MIL is bossy and controling. HA!!!!!! Pot calling kettle black. I did point out to her that both she and I are pretty bossy. She said she will not undermine my being a mom.
WendyLou says:
No, her grand plan for the month that Vince is gone and I have to work full time and have a premie/ 3 month old is to basically move into her home. LOVELY, I get to add a 45 cmmute minute to all this stress, rather than a 5 minute one. WTF is she not moving in with me?
WendyLou says:
MY MIL works graves, and has offered to stay at my house during the day while she sleeps. Then my mom asks what I would feel if she got rough with my baby.... UMMM the same thing I would feel if anyone got rough wiht my baby, Get your damn hands off of her.
WendyLou says:
So seriously, I feel trapped between 2 controlling women, one admits it and one is in complete denial about her controling. Problem is, I need help, I can't do this alone, and I can't handle a 2 month old with no help while Vince is gone, and I'm a mess.
Lady Magus says:
hey, i'm here, gimme a sec to catch up
Lady Magus says:
wowzers woman
WendyLou says:
My mom feels that my MIL will take advantage of my being upset because Vince is gone, and run all over me. My mom is taking advantage of my being vunerable because I am worried about the baby and running all over me. Oh, I should also maybe consider not having Vince come to all the appointments. She seems to forget that he has not been to many lately because of school.
WendyLou says:
K, so I'm just screwed, right.
Lady Magus says:
not at all
WendyLou says:
I just needed to get it out, away or not.
Lady Magus says:
you're fine
WendyLou says:
I could have JUST screamed at her.
WendyLou says:
I'm currently hiding from her online.
Lady Magus says:
here is what i would do, k?
WendyLou says:
K
Lady Magus says:
consider: do you want help from the grandma that is willing to help in a way that benefits HER, or the one that benefits YOU? (ie, in your home or somewhere else you don't want to be)
Lady Magus says:
second, you don't HAVE to let either help with this
Lady Magus says:
i am positive you can find a really good person with no kids to come be a nanny for a month
WendyLou says:
Never thought of that....
Lady Magus says:
next, don't fight with your mom... either hang up if it's on the phone or walk away, saying as you do so, "this is not your life, please let me live it"
WendyLou says:
We did not fight... I just sat there like I was 16, and if I said something wrong, she would take away my car.
WendyLou says:
See, I think she wants to be helpful, I just think she has NO idea how she is coming off.
Lady Magus says:
well, then tell her, mom i am a grown woman and i would appreciate it if you treated me as such
WendyLou says:
I own my damn car. If she took it away, that would be grand theft auto. I am just falling back into teenager mode with her.
Lady Magus says:
lol
WendyLou says:
How do I set boundries with her?
Lady Magus says:
i understand, truly, hardest thing i have ever done is tell my dad he can't control me
Lady Magus says:
hmmm
Lady Magus says:
tell her straight up when she says or does something that hurts
WendyLou says:
I know. I had done very well with this untill the baby.
WendyLou says:
This is her first grandchild.
Lady Magus says:
how does Vince feel about all this?
WendyLou says:
Oh... I could get going on how she thinks Vince cannot handle Sydney in the NICU after birth. She wants me to fight a battle so that someone(read her) can be with the baby right after birth, but I should follow the rules about my having to be able to sit up in a wheelchair to see her, about 10 hours after her birth.
Lady Magus says:
it is a privilege in being a parent to be the first one there
Lady Magus says:
she needs to realize that
Lady Magus says:
Vince may do like Randy and be an absolute rock and get you through it, in fact, i bet he wil
Lady Magus says:
she needs to have more faith in him as a father
WendyLou says:
He does not know about the talk I got today. I don;t know how to tell him.., Gee my mom thinks you can't handle this baby stuff. She said that she will keep the stuff for her in the NICU because Vince is bad at agthering stuff. I told her, actually, give him a good list and a general area of the item, and he will do just fine.
Lady Magus says:
remind her HE is the parent, good grief, i am so sorry
WendyLou says:
I think he will be the rock. I told him of her NICU concerns, and he pointed out that she was all supportive of him re-enlisting even though we KNOW there will be a deployment where he will see combat. He asked how he could be strong enought to kill and watch his buddies be killed, but not be there to support his baby daughter.
Lady Magus says:
can i suggest something?
WendyLou says:
I am discussing that one with my doctor5. I have no problem with Vince holding her, but I want to be the first to hold her.
WendyLou says:
Sure, I need help.
Lady Magus says:
it sounds to me like she is causing you a lot of stress and i doubt it will get better when the time comes. let me tell you, Sydney's birth will be stressful, the first few days will be scary, and the LAST thing you need is someone hanging out that causes more stress. i told Randy's aunt (who was being much like your mom) that she was NOT to come to the hospital, because things were already hard
Lady Magus says:
i am crying at the memory, but DON'T THINK SHE HAS TO BE THERE if it will stress you out! she is your mother, but she is NOT Sydney's
WendyLou says:
I think that would start world war 3. Good thought though. I have to think about that one.
Lady Magus says:
let her be mad, because believe me, extra stress on that day can HURT you AND Sydney
WendyLou says:
When I had my lap she was there and was really pushy, about getting up and coughing and the like, and I told her to F off. I said the word, not just f. I blamed it on the anesthia.
Lady Magus says:
oh no!
Lady Magus says:
i am lol though
WendyLou says:
My friend has offered to come run interfearance.
WendyLou says:
It felt good, and honestly, I was awake enough to not say it.
WendyLou says:
It just galls me that she has plans to see my baby before I can. I don't want Sydeny to be all alone, but damn it, I'm this kids's MOM.
Lady Magus says:
Wendy, a birth is about love and life and should be peaceful. she won't be alone, you will be able to see her after recovery
Lady Magus says:
and VInce can be with her too if he's still here
WendyLou says:
The social worker said mom's can't go to the NICU until they can sit up from the csection. But that was an intern, who know what the real social worker would say.
Lady Magus says:
i had c-sections and with Julia, i was in a wheelchair within an hour
WendyLou says:
There is NO way in hell she would be in there when I am giving birth. Even if this was normal, No way.
WendyLou says:
How? I was told 10 hours.
Lady Magus says:
nope
Lady Magus says:
i went to recovery, i woke up, they told me what was going on, and i went
Lady Magus says:
i don't remember it though
WendyLou says:
I have discussed the MOM issue with my doc, and she has already agreed wrote in my chart only one person allowed in there. My mom wanted to be there in the c section, but the hospital rules are strict there, thank God. I know she is excited, but I just stressed out.
WendyLou says:
I'm having a planned one, so I should be awake. My co-worker said she remembers everything that happened in her awake C-section.
Lady Magus says:
i was knocked out because we were in trouble
WendyLou says:
I am sure if this was not a planned one... I'd end up that way.
WendyLou says:
Vince just got home after failing a final. I need to pay attention to him. Thank you for listening.I will think about all this. I envy my sisters because I will have fought this battle for them as well as countless others.
WendyLou says:
So before my hotmail crashed, I saw an email about Randy coming home. Do you have a date?
Lady Magus says:
between June 17 and 23 they should be in Cedar
WendyLou says:
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lady Magus says:
yep
WendyLou says:
Are you going to drive down?
Lady Magus says:
oh yeah!!! they are putting us up for a couple nights
Lady Magus says:
i gotta go, sis having heart trouble, talk later