A couple of days ago, I posted about being burnt out at my job. Well, the burnout remains, but new emotions have risen. I am angry and pissed. (Which I think are different emotions.)
As you may have gathered I have a rather anal and nit-picky supervisor. Things have gotten increasingly worse in the last couple of months. They exploded yesterday. See, every month on the 10th my logs for the previous month are due. I’ve had a REALLY hard time concentrating on ANYTHING, much less boring typing, with the sciatic nerve pain. (Going for a massage tonight.) I know I should stop whining about this, but this REALLY hurts.
Back to the logs. I got some of them done last week. I was approved for “flex time” over the weekend to work on these. However, because of my sciatic nerve pain, the last thing I wanted to do on a weekend was type on my PDA. So I rested and tried to take it really easy rather than drain myself some more for these damn logs.
So Monday I got some done, and I was well and good working on them on Tuesday. I worked really late that night, I even skipped Commander in Chief to get them done. Usually the computers go down at midnight, however, they crashed on me at 11:30. When it crashed, I lost a whole month’s worth of logs on my very last case. Had I gotten to save them, I would have been fine. I emailed my supervisor to let her know of the problem.
So I got home from work about midnight. I could not sleep because I was very upset about not getting my logs in because I have been getting ass chewing’s about getting them in on the 10th.
So I can’t sleep, and I get up really early for me. I arrive at the office at 6:45 am, and finish up all my logs way before she arrives at 8:30. About 9:30, she comes in all serious. Does she shut my door for the “talk”? Nope, leaves it open for all to hear. She say that policy is that my logs get completed 48 hours after the action occurs, and that the last day of the month is the second due date, and that the 10th is a grace period and all my logs should be done before then. The chance I take by being “lazy and procrastinating” is that something will go wrong and they won’t be done. It was a nice motivational speech. She wanted to know why I did not do them on the weekend. I explained that I was in a lot of pain over the weekend, and did not work on them. I said that had Saturday and Sunday been workdays, I very well might have called in sick. She did say that my logs are done very well and of a high quality. I held it together while she was talking to me, but when she left I broke down and cried.
So, even though my performance plan says they are due by the 10th, and she was not delayed in her reading of my logs, I am damned. I meet with her on next Friday to go over my status on paperwork again, and I am sure I will get a memo of understanding, the first step towards correction and termination. I very well may lose being the lead worker on my team. I also know that because of this one thing, I will get a U on my performance evaluation again, even though getting 11 out of 12 months logs in on time is a 91%. Her standard for Satisfactory on the evaluation is perfection, and I am not there. That should be the exceptional area, not Satisfactory. Oh, we may well be getting merit raises this year, so I can kiss that goodbye as well.
Why do I think I am special and deserve a break? I will explain. My adjusted caseload is to be 15 cases. Foster care cases rank at a 1.25, in home at 1 case. In December, when I have that blasted Christmas project on my shoulders, I received 5 new cases, and three of these were foster care, for an adjusted addition of 5.75 cases. My caseload in December was 22 cases. 18 foster care, 4 in home for an adjusted caseload of 26.5 cases. Compared to the standard of 15 adjusted cases, I was carrying as caseload of equal to 1.76 of what my caseload should be. Meaning that there should almost be another full time employee assigned to my caseload to be at standard. So do I think there should be some understanding on this issue? Yes. Should there be some recognition that I am being expected to do the work in 40 hours that should have 70 weekly hours allotted to it? Yes. Will I work 70 hours a week? Hell no.
I made a decision yesterday. I am getting off of her team. I would like to have this happen within 30 days. I would like for this to occur on my terms, meaning I have found a new job. If not, I will begin the process of getting my supervisor changed. About 7 months ago, another co-worker on my team got his supervisor changed. I don’t know all that happened, but I know that she went after his job. I have applied for a new job, and have started making contacts with people I have worked with in different agencies to make networking and get transferred.
My past supervisor, a woman for whom I have great respect, asked me to think about this from different angles. I thought about when this started, and it really started when I let her know I was pregnant. I also stopped hanging out with her while she smokes, or riding with her in her car, where she also smokes. I am avoiding second hand smoke, and am pregnant. I have gotten snide comments that I am too good to ride with her, or something like that. Two of my other co-workers are having problems with her. One’s problems started when he got a new position. Another was caught in the crossfire between her and the other employee who got his supervisor changed, and she said the problem really started when she got back from maternity. I have been getting great pressure to only be off 6 weeks and to be available by phone during my leave. I’m not willing to do that. Could she have some pregnancy issues of her own? Is this because I am a reminder to her that her smoking is dangerous? Don’t know, don’t care. I am getting off her team before performance review time comes in May/June. I am tired of working for someone whose expectations I cannot meet because she wants perfection, and I cannot give that. I feel I give excellent work, but I cannot give perfection, especially when my caseload is so much higher than it should be. I feel I am being punished for the Christmas effort and for being assigned so many extra cases, something that was beyond my control.
While I was writing this, I have a new worry. My “triple screen” test came back high risk for neural tube birth defects. My doctor said she is not worried, but of course I am freaking out. I go see the radiologist next Thursday.